Whom do I want to be?

This piece was also published here:

http://www.womensweb.in/2015/01/dont-deny-chocolate-please/

Let me start by declaring that according to my weight my height should be around 6' but I am not 6', I am a normal 5' 3" and I have spent most of my adult life wishing to be taller or more importantly slimmer.  I have also spent most of my teenage life dreaming of a 6' partner,  but that's another story for another day :-)
This story is about me and how since globalisation I woke up every single day feeling I am fat which by the way I am;  there's no denial here. 
Can I blame my body image on globalisation? 
Maybe I can, maybe I should blame it on bollywood, maybe on every single issue of Cosmopolitan.
But I choose to blame it on sedentary lifestyle,  my genes, hypothyroidism,  PCOD etc. I have my excuses ready. 

But my acceptance and my excuses do not make bollywood go scott free. Now I  am going to use some names.
I recently got a meme forwarded on watsapp of Sonakshi Sinha with the tag " Gayi Bhains Paani Mein". I laughed a lot (hypocrisy, I know). When she appeared in her first movie,  I had said, "Wow, what great personality". Slowly she started getting ridiculed for her weight,Ditto Vidya Balan.
Somehow I feel Hollywood is more forgiving than bollywood when it comes to weight,  of course Caucasians have a  different genetic makeup, but Kate Winslet,  Renee Zellweger, Queen Latifa all are praised for their talents.
I totally do admire Chandra Wilson from Greys Anatomy,  her personality is so powerful that one does not notice her weight.  Wonder when bollywood will be that open minded.
What amazes me is the section of society that dictates the very narrow range of body measurements in which every celebrity should fit and by extension every woman is forced into. And so we struggle,  go on crash diets, do yoga, gym, spin classes, zumba, mumba or whatever latest fad it is. Why, I still wonder?

And then there's sexist attitude of society,  men are not subjected to the same stringent standards as women. So we kept liking the cute and adorable R Madhvan and we still do. 
I remember when my overweight male relative asked me at my sister's wedding what my plans were to reduce weight! My response was, " Same as yours". (This when I was in healthy BMI range and he surely had pot belly, which he somehow felt a tight Tee will press)

Then there was this other older relative who very nicely told me to reduce weight if I had to get married,
My response- Your son is overweight too!
His response- "Ladkon ka chaltaa hai"
(I am out of emoticons for my response)

I do understand that only people who care will say such things for your own good. But please convince me this way-

1. Tell me how being overweight puts me at a higher risk of heart diseases and diabetes.
2. Tell me how my knees will be dead by the time I am 40.
3. Tell me to be fit for myself not because I have to get married.

Fitness is a drug and I discovered this few years back when I joined an awesome gym and became addicted to running.  Back then I ran 7 km on a treadmill every alternate day without my lungs giving out. The other days I swam about 25 laps of a 50m pool.
And with all the right happy hormones ( endomorphins I guess) I was a happy person. I never threw tantrums, didnt get depressed if I had to pick the L clothing in a mall of certain brands when M didnt fit. Coz I had a positive body image.

And then life happened, so I gave up, slowly my height criteria started getting bigger,  I needed to get a bit more taller for my weight and buying high heels wasn't helping either.
But let me tell you thats perfectly normal, we are humans not robots and some days something else is going to take priority over being totally dedicated to your bodies and on such days you have to realise that the extra kgs is not the only thing that defines you. It is important for sure, TO BE FIT NOT SLIM.
but there are other things that are a better definition to you- your talents, your relationships,  your hobbies.
Point is- I have struggled a decade to come at peace with myself,  to strut in a room full of people without being conscious of my weight, to believe that my personality is what defines me and not my weight.
I do come across the narrow section, I mentioned earlier who feel its okay to make fun of my weight and I let them do that without being offended,  hell, I sometimes joke with them about me- my fav being , " I am very slim below my knees" ( coz I know I have killer calf muscles) But when such people go overboard, I can point blank tell them, "Lets run and see who stops first, the day you beat me at that,  you can make fun of me, till then, shut the f*** up"
because let me tell you another of my observation- Fit people dont judge you, such jokes are generally by slim people who remain slim by denying themselves the pleasures of life and then take that frustration out on you!
My sister and my best friend are the slimmest people I know, both blessed with an awesome metabolism and both have never ever made fun of me.

Bottomline- It sure is important to be fit, but not torture yourself to look like a runaway model coz face it, most of them are anorexics. It is also more important to value the people in your life and see people for their talents not weight. No one ever noticed how much sushma swaraj weighs, coz what matters is how much her words weigh! Be like that.

OTOH, here's a conversation I had with my husband-

Me: Have I like become too fat?
Him: No, you're like you were before the baby.
Me: Will you love me if I become too too fat.
Him: Yes obviously ( He's lying, I know)
Me: No,  idiot! you will let me know I am letting myself go and that I should do something about it!
Him: oh, that's allowed, is it?
Me: Of course, if not you who will tell me?
Him: Okay!
(Winking and taking away my chocolate bar from my hand)
So, yup I have started running again!

We all are MAD here

During engineering we inherently learn to rely more on the logical side of the brain than the creative one and we learn to measure everything.

Length in meters.
Mass in kilo grams.
Heat in calories.

SI unit, Imperial units,  everything with a  definition. Everything explainable.

But there are certain things which cannot be measured,
Like Love (Cheesy), Pain, Hatred, Madness.
It is all relative.
If I ask my partner,  How much do you love me? And since having a baby, I do ask him that a lot, blaming it on hormones, but somehow in a day spent in nappies and feeding schedules, I keep needing the validation. The answer, if I get any is always the same and its always unmeasurable.  You just have to feel it. But it can be measured in grade point system-
If after my lappy goes kaput, I ask for a new one and I get it the very next day-A
If after my lappy goes kaput, I get new one without asking- A++
If I keep on asking and the answer is soon- B
If I keep asking and the counter question is, Do you really need one now? Its F.
My point is love here is measured on Demand vs Supply curve. If my demands are met, I have a wonderful partner, if not,  my partner has a demanding wife!!
That's how it works.

Lets talk about hatred, Can you really measure how much you hate someone?
And does "not loving" equalise hatred?
If I say I hate Poonam Pandey, does that even make sense? She doesn't affect me on a daily basis. So indifference should be the word. I am indifferent to her.
Hatred is such a strong emotion,  stronger than love,  and hence should be used sparingly. But it isn't measurable either. Comparatively, yes. 

Pain is relative too. What pained more, Root canal or Labour?  For me, both were spaced apart by some years hence the direct comparison scale was lost or foggy.
Root canal was followed by ice cream
Labour by my sweet Lil kid, so by that logic, relatively labour was less painful than root canal irrespective of the fact that root canal went for measurable 1.5 hours and labour was 12 hours.

Next is madness,  how do you decide how mad someone is?
The WHO has guidelines to classify mental disorders. The severity is also classified- measurable.
So anxiety,  depression,  post natal depression, OCD, phobias all are in one category.
Bipolar disorder,  schizoid , mania in another.
Schizophrenia,  ADHD in other.
And treatments are decided based on the severity.  So the psych decides if someone is able to move in society or needs medication and consultation.
But there are two sides to this classification.
In India,  psych consult for something like depression,  post natal depression  even bipolar disorder is taboo.  We have a strong family system and everyone from our aunt to cousin is a professional psychiatrist. So it is frowned upon. 

Why would one spend money on consulting when your mom is gonna tell you the same thing? 

And I defy this logic,  sometimes help is needed and at the right time. An educated,  modern , logical mind says- mental illness should be taken seriously and treated the same way as physical.

But then my Indian mind remembers my favourite character from "Alice in wonder land"; the CHESHIRE CAT. And the way it announces,  " We all are mad here".
I have a tee with that quote and I am really fighting myself to get that tattoo. How silly is that?  (Again immeasurable)

I know it sends the wrong message,  but we are all mad to certain degree,  relatively,  so why bother as long as you are in control and have a strong support system.
I also am reminded of a short story by Gabriel Garcia Marquez where in a spirited young girl takes a lift on highway from a mental institution bus which is transporting inhabitants and ends up being mistaken as one of them. Her partner comes to visit her and believes that something is indeed wrong with her.  It's perspective,  and like the cat said we all are mad here!
Irrespective of the taboo,  the fear, madness should be taken seriously. If anything makes you feel less than capable of being normal ( again immeasurable) help should be seeked. And if you feel you have a coping system, be it shopping ( what you can afford), running,  writing crappy blog posts, you are fine.
Bottom line- Life is not measurable and nothing is simple like the engineering units. everything comes with a pinch of salt. What we do know is life is finite and demands a unit system that simplifies things, that makes you get up in the morning with a smile and sleep without nightmares.  Not that you can do it everyday,  sometimes sh*t happens, but you deal with it, and measure it against the good days and as long as the balance is in the favour of good days- you're fine. 
Still don't feel fine- Remind yourself,  "we all are MAD here"

Is romance dead?

Remember the time we swooned over SRK dialogues. He always got the most romantic dialogues.

Remember his monologue in veer-zaara?

Remember the way he looked at Manisha Koirala in Dil se?

Remember him saying "agar Ganga ki iffazat karna Pyaar hai, toh hai"

Remember how as teen agers,  the idea of perfect romance was someone,  somewhere, who would say the perfect things,  look at you the same way.

That was all a decade back.

Today, remember the moment we read some one expressing their feelings on Facebook and cringe?

What happened between then and now to turn us into such cynics?

The thought entered by mind as I got a recent article published and cringed at the editor's change of the title.  I literally hid my face and tagged a few less people on Facebook as I felt it was too cheesy.

And then I remembered the mushroom-cut Tomboy of a decade back who daydreamed of the perfect man,  blushed at every word SRK uttered, listened to Enrique, watched Notting Hill, When Harry met Sally,  Serendipity endless times.

And we played a game, wherein the next song on radio was what our crush thought about us.  It was a way to please ourselves.  (cheesy I know)

I refuse to believe that this is what growing up is.  Being practical isn't being cynical. Somewhere the innocence is lost,  but the idea remains.  Makes me question is romance really dead?

Agreed that being romantic doesn't necessarily mean being vocal about our feelings. That actions speak louder than words.  That not every relationship can be as intense as Heathcliff-Catherine romance in Wuthering Heights.( wish it could)
we live in an age of over-sharing where posting on FB  has replaced the private talks we shared with our best friends.
Where clicking that "in a relationship" button on FB is equivalent to commitment.  But does this not also mean that we should replace the word cheesy with sweet.  Maybe it's ok to express your love on FB.  Let the whole friend list know how you feel about your partner. It really is okay. All judgements aside. ( all this coming from a person: Me; whose partner is not even on FB)

What I mean is,  agreed that actions speak louder ( I already said that! ) so while on a personal level you feel the love in the cup of tea your partner makes for you every Sunday morning (not forgetting to put the cream of milk in the tea, coz he knows you like it), remembering to order your burger without onions each single time,  singing "kaho na kaho" with all the Arabic lyrics for you while alone in car.
Once in a while you also need the intensity,  the public display of affection, the right words said by the right person and doing that without calling it cheesy!
So next time someone does that,  please say sweet, coz it is sweet, it takes courage to wear your heart on your sleeve.  And hearing cute, lovey- dovey stuff really brings one closer and keeps us young. SRK maybe old,  the idea isn't!
so here's to keeping romance alive-
-Say what you feel! 
-write poetry for your partner.
-tell him/her how important he/she is ( on a social site may be or just sms)
- take a bottle of wine home with a dozen red roses.
- better still cook dinner together.
- rent your favourite romantic movie together (for guys)
or sit through star wars with your partner(for gals)

point is- do something to keep it alive.

Letting go

It started with Greys Anatomy. I got addicted to watching the tenth season airing on Zee Cafe. I had already seen some episodes from earlier seasons but didn't have a clear idea of the story line.
With too much of free time on my hands, the next step was buying the boxed sets of earlier seasons. So now I am on season 3.

And I know there were some characters that were killed, New characters added and season 10 just has half the cast of the earlier seasons. But the point is its still running. It's still interesting. At some point someone decided that the plot needs to be savoured. Maybe they discussed the possibility of ending it against giving it another shot. And maybe giving another shot worked with all the changes.

Well, Friends ran a decent 10 seasons without being boring. To be honest "How I met your mother" was dead in first few seasons but they pulled till 9. But it died a slow death, it lacked the finesse of Friends.

Another series I have been following since long is "Supernatural" after catching a glimpse of it while switching channels on AXN. Just a glance at Jensen Ackles and I was hooked. Apart from a super hot cast combination of Jensen, Jared and Jeffrey Dean Morgan, what it had was a strong storyline. I mean the whole Michael Vs Lucifer track was awesome. But guess that ended in season 5 and since then it's dragging, and frankly I never quite enjoyed watching it since. They do come up with sporadic good episodes, but it's done with. I don't know why none of the producers see it and end it decently. Why is there this stubbornness to reach the season 10 by just relying on pretty faces?

And that got me thinking about life and relationships, when do you decide if a relationship is worth saving or giving up on? Or in case you decide to drag it, does it deserve the slow death of HIMYM.
And who calls the shots of bringing about some changes to bring it back on track like Grey's anatomy, or let it drag and become boring like supernatural, just relying on pretty faces to see it through or in this case some aspect of relationship.

I know the comparison is bizarre. But it's not that incomparable too. You put your blood and sweat in making a television series, it's teamwork. The same holds true for relationships. You make a mistake in a series which your audience doesn't accept, you retreat and correct yourself. And wait, for acceptance. The idea is to milk the cow dry, till one of your writers say, I'm done. That should be the stopping point. The whole struggle is to give up before the audience gives up on you. Before your TRPs die, so that you go out with your head held high.

Relationships work the same way, you make a mistake, you retreat and try to savour the situation or wait till one of you gives up. The whole point is in knowing when to give up. When to let go. And letting go is the most difficult part. Sometimes you can work past the mistakes and still reach season 10 without it being a drag, or sometimes you just let go with dignity and move on. And when you do move on, it's a one way road, there's no looking back.

Reminds me of an old poem-

"Taarruf rog ho jaaye to usko bhoolnaa behtar

Talluk bojh ban jaaye to usko todnaa achchha

Voh afsaana jise anjaam tak laana na ho mumkin 

Use ek khoobsoorat mod dekar chhodna achchha"

So here's a question applicable to all relationships, 


Are you Friends and by default perfect.
Are you HIMYM, heading for a disaster
Are you Supernatural, pretty on outside but boring.
Or Are you Grey's anatomy, ready to reinvent yourself ?

Pregnancy and Beyond

This piece was also published here:

http://www.womensweb.in/2014/11/effects-of-pregnancy/


Motherhood changes you. And it isn't an overnight change but rather a frog -boiling-to-death(not the right analogy, I guess) kinda change which you only notice when you're on the other side of the bridge- a totally different person altogether. 
For me, however, the changes were in spurts. 
First to go was my appetite, something I initially blamed on bad batch of faasos chicken rolls. What I realised later was that the little girl inside me had decided that she was a vegetarian like her father, so there I was a true bred punjabi, a purely non-veg girl puking at the smell of chicken!!! And that also meant no more weekend trips to Hard Rock Cafe for the chicken burger, and tea just meant tea not the Long Island one! And mind you, that has to remain for more than an year.

Everyone tells you how great the whole experience of giving birth to a child is; no one tells you what all you lose.

Next to go were my favourite pair of heels. That's right! I was wearing flats! Shoes I won't even be caught dead in. And now here I am an year later with exactly 15 pair of shoes that don't fit! No one bothered to tell me that even after having a child, your feet or for that matter you won't suddenly go back to your earlier size. It would again be a slow painful process. So that leaves me with shoes I keep trying every week, hoping to fit in some day. Oh and yes the same is applicable to finger rings.

I am not supposed to talk about this or even feel a tiny bit of remorse as I have to act motherly and take peace in the miracle of life I created. And say profound things like how its all worth it in the end. And I do say it with the right amount of emoting. Maybe I will get there, once my hormones settle down, which by the way are yet another set of things that don't go back to normal very soon. And when they start going astray, you cannot even guess what all can happen to you, right from pigmentation to dry,itchy,flaky skin. You end up hating yourself and doubting if you ever will have the infamous radiant skin. 

The hormones also play with your emotions, so till they get back to normal, I am going to be snappy and thankfully , being in India I have an understanding, supportive family.
That's one side of the story, a materialistic girl trying to cope with loss of her things. 
Other Side is the ambitious girl who is suddenly on maternity leave with too much free time on her hand. Again, the advice is to cherish these moments, my Lil baby will only be this age once, so my heart should be swelling with pride over her every mile stone, how the first smile and first giggle should make me cry and make me feel how it is all worth it in the end. I did cry at her first attempt to talk to me. And my daughter is a Lil chatterbox who likes singing with me as I sing lullabies for her. And I love it. 
But there are 24 hours in a day, and one tends to reminiscence over the carefree old days especially at night when the clock says 1 am and your little bundle of joy refuses to sleep anyway. So you remember the time when u voluntarily stayed awake at night reading, chatting, watching movies, doing projects. When stress meant force/area, not the kind you feel when your Lil one sneezes twice in a row.

What I am trying to say is, no one prepares you for the reality that is having a child. The pregnancy books are full of advices and anecdotes of perfect women who were well just born to give birth. Maybe few years down the line I would pretend to be one of those women, but for now I want to be real. 
And in real world, all the confusions, sadness, coping with changes holds, and you live with it. Try to live past each day as it comes, hoping to reach the other end a saner person. And your only ray of hope is the cute little girl you created, whom you decided to bring in the world and whom you love unconditionally and irrevocably in spite of the fact that she is an exact replica of your mother-in-law and every woman knows that speaks volumes for the kind of love you feel.

Yes, I married for love

This piece was also published here:

http://www.womensweb.in/2014/11/making-a-love-marriage-work/


India- The Land Of great love stories like Shree-Farhaad, Soni- Mahiwal, Laila-Majnu etc and also the land where love marriages are still scorned at by certain section of society. Lately I found out that it's not just the generation before us but some same-age people who also get judgmental over the issue. Here's the conversation I had with a male friend, actually an old school friend I happened to meet again on FB (sigh ! The downside of technology)
Him: So you got married? Bataya nahi.. What does your husband do?
Me: yup. He is an engineer too.
Him: whats his name? 
Me: (I provide with d name)
Him: (surprise smiley) Love marriage? 
Me: yup
Him: Ok
(Pause for 10 mins)
Me: what about you? 
Him: oh! I married in my caste only. Arranged marriage. Its simple and respectful to parents.

Duh-ahh!!!

Here's a person with same education as me, but in his eyes I obviously did the wrong thing. True that no one can make you feel bad without your permission, but the verdict is out, just coz I had a love inter-caste marriage. That's the hypocrisy of India, an eloped couple loses a bit of respect in the eyes of elders. SRK gave a solution to this elopement issue in DDLJ, where proper respect is given to parent's wishes. But even if one did not elope, even if you had a proper marriage, things are assumed and judgement passed. 

But it also made me think over the other side of it, how much percentage of marriages survive? And whats the statistics of how many arranged marriages fail over how many love marriages fail?
And by failure I don't mean divorce, I mean failure in the sense where a couple stays together for society, kids or just resigns to fate.
I have nothing against arranged marriages, I think its a beautiful way of union where everyone gets a say, two families come together not just two people and the flip side is you always get someone to blame if things go wrong!!

But then I have nothing against or for love marriages too. If two people are mature enough to feel that they can spend their lives together nothing/no one should stop them. And if the same couple after some time feels that they made a mistake nothing should stop them at doing what is right. Only love and mutual respect should be the reason for two people to be together, not "what will people say" fear, not kids , not finances and not the fear of being a social outcast in case a marriage ends. Sadly in India a divorced man or woman becomes a social outcast. And that makes many unhappy couple's to stay together. 
In my opinion as SRK said.." hum ek hi baar jeete hein..." we have one life and we should max out on it. Its not worth spending the one life we get in regrets or worry or sadness.

So, here's a list I formulated for love marriage couple's to stay in love 
( Applicable to arranged marriages too, I guess if the couple is in love and not in a compromised ah-that's-my-life stage)

1. Respect each other. One of the reasons you got married was respect for each other, don't let anything or anyone change that.

2. Accept that there will always be people jealous of you or just people like my school friend above who will be judgmental towards your decision, dont let them affect you. True that we get carried away with people trying to instigate you, but let your reaction remain till a certain level. Let a little sacred spot in your relationship untouched. As long as you both have that spot, nothing can break you.

3. Be bold enough to point out when the other one is being an ass. Remember the time before marriage when you were just friends and you rocked your friendship by being brutally honest to each other. Dont let the label of "husband" and "wife" change the honesty. Above all don't let responsibilities ruin your friendship.

4. Have realistic expectations from your partner. You are the best judge of whom you married as a person. If you fell in love with a modern jeans clad colleague, dont suddenly expect her to wear sarees, and when she does once in a while appreciate her. And girls, once in a while wear a sari just to please your friend. Trust me nothing beats the look of awe and happiness in your partner's eyes.

5. Most importantly, let go of the guilt. We have a tendency of feeling guilty thanks to the society which thinks you somehow robbed our parents of something by marrying according to our wishes. And if you yourself feel guilty and at every moment over shadow your marriage with that guilt. You wont survive long. Your partner should not have to suffer for your guilt. Grow up and move on. No one is suffering because of your decision. Only you are. 

6. Fight fair. There is no real relationship without fights. But when you do, fight fair. And most importantly dont let the other person feel unwanted. Coz in a love marriage the most important person for your partner is you. Don't ever forget that, try to see the love beneath the anger.

7. Lastly, know when to give up. In spite of all your efforts sometimes people change and if it's not working out , maybe it's not your fault. Learn to give up at the right time. Don't be a 50 year old person regretting a loveless marriage. Have the courage to call it. 

There are many more things that might work for people based on their individual experiences but I think the basic thing is to make it work. Like the parent in "just married" tells Ashton, most days you have to work on a marriage. A photo album will not have the days you worked on a marriage, but the album is made of the happy dayz that were there coz of the days you worked.

The Curse of Eve

I have never considered myself as a Feminist (I still don’t), But recent events vis-a-vis the Buzzfeed article of "Why India needs Feminism" and some personal and public incidents made me study the "Word" a bit more.
Growing up reading Ayn Rand, I was always an individualistic (read: Selfish, according to Indian standards). I have always been labeled selfish by friends, love-interest/husband, sisters etc. and I didn’t mind, because I understood where they came from and somehow knew where I stand. Anyway this note isn’t about justifications of whom and why I am the way I am. This note is just an effort to understand the big shot words used in philosophy/literature like Feminism, Objectivism, Individualism etc.(And a minor effort to get over the Writer's block I have since last two years)
So starting from the title of the note- "The Curse of Eve"
The Bible says that the pain of Childbirth is the curse of Eve for tasting the forbidden fruit.
God tells Eve
 "... I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." (Genesis 3:16)
Seems like an Anti-Feminist statement, but then I am no expert on religion and maybe it has some deeper meaning. Maybe it means God is blessing Eve with the joy of multiple children.
But the same phrase "Curse of Eve" can be extrapolated to many other incidents in recent past.
The foremost among them is the Dec-2012 "Nirbhaya case" and the subsequent silly remarks passed on by people who run the country. Agreed, she got the support of millions of people who came on the street to support her, but it also revealed the hypocritical side of us. Its been a long time but the wounds will maybe never heal and the verdict wasn’t satisfactory either, with the juvenile all set to walk free just because he wasn’t considered mature based on age limit, not on his acts. I am aware of the entire hullabaloo about it by Human Rights but considering the Law situation in our country, everyone knows the outcome anyway. I wonder if a country which lives by its rich heritage and epics like "Mahabharata" and "ramayana" knows the following text from Mahabharata in Sambhava Parv which explains why the God of Justice was born as Vidura. It is a conversation between the "God of Justice" and a Rishi called "Ani- Mandavya" who is wrongly implicated in a robbery case and suffers. He asks the "God of Justice" the reason for his suffering and the God replies thus-
"The God of justice, thus questioned, replied, 'O thou of ascetic wealth, a little insect was once pierced by thee on a blade of grass. Thou bearest now the consequence of the act. O Rishi, as a gift, however small, multiplieth in respect of its religious merits, so a sinful act multiplieth in respect of the woe it bringeth in its train.' On hearing this, Ani-Mandavya asked, 'O tell me truly when this act was committed by me. Told in reply by the god of justice that he had committed it, when a child, the Rishi said, 'That shall not be a sin which may be done by a child up to the twelfth year of his age from birth. The scriptures shall not recognise it as sinful. The punishment thou hast inflicted on me for such a venial offence hath been disproportionate in severity. The killing of a Brahmana involves a sin that is heavier than the killing of any other living being. Thou shall, therefore, O god of justice; have to be born among men even in the Sudra order. And from this day I establish this limit in respect of the consequence of acts that an act shall not be sinful when committed by one below the age of fourteen. But when committed by one above that age, it shall be regarded as sin.'
Even the epic decides the age of maturity at 14 and not 18.But sadly; when with the advent of technology children are exposed to all that’s good and bad and hence mature faster, we still stick to an age limit to decide someone’s maturity.
Bottom-line- Justice will remain denied to a woman because of age old laws drafted during British era.
Recently again, Preity Zinta filed a case against her ex-boyfriend for molestation and yet again, our hypocritical society had some jabs to take at her. Just google her name, and we have many insensitive remarks about her on Twitter, Facebook etc. Even women claiming that she doesn’t have a right to raise a voice just coz she was in relationship with him. Only time, a lot of power-play and money will decide who did what, but what I am against is the mentality to judge a woman based on her relationships and status. It’s a bifurcated road, women in villages are killed and hung on trees because they cannot do anything, and when a woman who can do something raises her voice, she is ridiculed at. Preity's case is sufficient evidence against why India as a country will never understand the concept of Marital rape thousands of women will continue to suffer because they are bound by marriage to devils. All this is enough to turn even the most neutral person (me) into a Feminist.
On a lighter note, I still am not sure if I am a Feminist or not, I still don’t like to fall into debates with people over Women's rights, I just fight over Individual rights and subsequently get chastised for my strong sense of right or wrong and inability to mould according to circumstances. A quality everyone around me reminds me to adapt if I have to be happy, but I can’t. I still have many unanswered questions-
1. Does being very aware of my rights make me a feminist? Just because I am a girl?
2. Does refusing to be stereotyped into a role of a wife/daughter and sticking to cooking and taking up all house responsibilities alone, not trying to be superwoman make me a Feminist?
3. Does believing that a husband shares the work equally (which mine does thankfully!) make me a Feminist?
4. Does deciding to not change my name/identity post marriage, make me a Feminist?
5. Does filing my own ITR and managing my own finances (badly I accept) make me a Feminist?

I think not, because these are things any individual will do irrespective of gender. So in my effort to label myself as someone other than "Selfish" I become aware of my surroundings start connecting things and just being aware of the injustice and the hypocritical nature  of society makes me a feminist.

That reminds me- The Great Indian Stereotype of things an Indian Women is cast into.
The list goes such-

1. Women can’t decide which car to buy- I remember an incident where a friend (now husband) remarked that I will buy a car if they market it with a feature of "lipstick box" in glove box additional. It was said in fun, but u know where it comes from. So screw my degree in Mechanical Engineering, my decision making power, I cannot make rational decisions, apparently.
2. Women cannot be good drivers. A deep rooted stereotype, that needs to go. I know some women who are the safest drivers compared to men I know, but saying so will hurt the Male ego, so I cannot say that I believe my sister is a better driver than You-know-who ;-)
3.   Recently, got cyber-bullied, coz I expressed my opinion about Football and was praised for my "abundance" knowledge of Football (sarcastically of course) by a stranger! Well, I chose to ignore (Did I?) and chose to not remark on bad English, but made me realize the stereotype. Just coz I am a girl, I cannot know Football. Irrespective of the fact that I have followed every world cup since I was ten and every League match, I cannot know enough. And I wasn’t bizarre enough to say that "Oh! Portugal should have won the World Cup! Ronaldo is so handsome!" What I said made sense; Netherlands played really well throughout the world cup and in my opinion deserved a place in finals. But no! I cannot say that Sir, without being rudely laughed at. I would have let go of the incident as just cyber bullying, but deep inside I know it comes down to Feminism. Just like a 12th Pass Smriti Irani cannot be a HRD minister, but an uneducated person can be rail minister or even PM.

Bottom-line-I don’t like the Feminist me, I will definitely like to go back to being the Individualistic me, finding parallels between Howard and I (Fountainhead) but "yeh zaaalim duniya, kya bana diya mujhe!" :-)