Sunday, July 25, 2010

Suburban Girl

"Archie Knox: Why won't you marry me?
Brett Eisenberg: Are you asking me to explain?
Archie Knox: Yes, I am

Brett Eisenberg: When I look at you, I see a teacher. But when you look at me, you see a student. Because you like to run away. It's part of who you are. Because, in the end, a girl can't grow up until she looses a father and leaves an Archie"

Background: Insomania Ofcourse! Why is my every thought related to insomnia?  In one of the episodes of HIMYM, Ted Mosby reminiscences that nothing good happens after 2 am in my case, the bulb always lights up after 2 am, in short all my major turning-points are the result of the introspective sessions I have after 2 am, when the coffee strikes my brain and I am usually curled up on the sofa with a book in hand or a remote control.
Some days back, it was the Remote control, and "Suburban Girl" playing on Zee Studio. Alec Baldwin commands you to stop and take notice so I did. Whats so good about the movie? In the strictest sense, its the typical Hollywood Drama/ Romance which would fail if a remake was made in Bollywood,but like many other flops that somehow teach me something suburban girl taught me something too.

Lesson: We always have choices in life, even the most pessimistic person on earth has a choice to alter his/her lifestyle, one just has to see it. I remember way back when I first entered the corporate world in one of the pseudo-intellectual sessions (The boring HR ones, that claim to make you a better person but basically suck) I was asked if I regret anything in my life and I said NO, I dont. In retrospection, I still dont. I could have made different choices opening up a different path altogether, kind of a alternative timeline but I dont wish for that. I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment of being alive, sufficiently mourned for all the sad moments, given the right amount of attention and love to all those I came across, made my share of mistakes and learnt from them.

So why this reassesment now? Well, lately I was wondering if all that I lost along the way was worth it? The kind of thoughts that seep through your subconcious mind and make u think at nights (Actually I think its coffee!). And I have the answer, I made the right choice! Not because its a temporary high phase, not because I need to feed my ego, not because I want to show the finger to all those who doubted me but just because I made it, I just realised that Right or wrong depends on u, noone else can judge ur decisions because noone else knows u as well as u do. I could've taken suggestions, closed my eyes and let destiny decide for me, but would that feel mine? That would have been an escape, a selection of someone to blame if things go wrong and in my dream world things never go wrong. (When they do, I just change the tags ;-))

Conclusion: Again refering to HIMYM:
" TED:No, it's not an adventure, it's a mistake!

 LILY: OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not. And dammit, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this; my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?

Maybe it doesnt, but to me it does :-) And thats all that matters at the end of the day. I stand because of the choices I made, not because destiny pushed me there and thats a relief. So in conclusion, just like the Suburban Girl, I am growing up (At 26 :-)),making my own decisions, laughing at my mistakes, falling in love with myself w/o the doubts of teenage and enjoying every moment of it, every tear of it coz thats how we learn. There's no escape to learning, no 'shortcut to happiness' (Another Baldwin movie, I loved). All of it is just worth it!

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