Being woman : Good, Bad &Ugly

Being  woman : Good, Bad &Ugly

I meant to say this since long, but somehow didn’t know how to gather by thoughts around the hypocrisy of the society we live in. Let me first list down the triggers behind this write up in chronological order:
• Jiah Khan suicide case
• Harvey Weinstein case
• The whole #metoo movement
• The extension of it to India.
•  Some observations in day to day life
So where do I start and more importantly why do i start?
I will address the why part first. Humans have a tendency of dealing with everything  beyond the comfort zone - Ignore and hope it take cares of itself. Doesn’t work.
Ours is a society of juxtapositions, where we have women like #sunnyleone who managed to maintain her dignity even with her background in adult movie industry and then we have women like #rakhisawant with no credibility.
Lets go west, The people who voted for #Obama  belonged to the same nation that voted for #Trump.
We have decent men maintaining a dignified silence and we have men like singer  Abhijit saying bullshit.
Point is to be aware of this juxtaposition.
To be aware that there were victims and there were harassers and there were mute spectators.  And there is a media which will portray it in juiciest way possible for TRPs which actually is the saddest part of this whole equation.
When any issue arises, we deal with it to come out on the other side as a stronger, better society. But in this information age, everything is saleable- emotions, pain and above all harassment. What it finally leads to is diluting the issue at hand.
So what is the issue?
The way I see it, its an issue of dominance. Of one gender over other only because they feel the other gender is weaker- in position, social status or physically maybe. And the other gender has 'allowed' them to think so, to adhere to the age old norms created by society. A norm which goes into victim shaming. Mind you I am not naming the genders, because somehow in this situation, women at least joined the #metoo movement because they had a community, men who were harassed may never get to the point of sharing it in open for the fear of being ridiculed. I think that’s sadder that they won’t get a voice.
I have to accept here that I am not mature enough to feel the pain of the victims here. What can I do however is to call a spade a spade.
Isn’t there something fundamentally wrong with a society that dictates that job safety comes over human safety? Why would someone choose to remain in a unsafe environment only because it can cost them their jobs, careers and integrity?
And the integrity of the harassers remains intact? Society fails here not the victims.
Mind you, we are still talking about showbiz, so we are the ones idol worshipping the so called celebrities.
How many times have we remarked that, "Yes, I have heard of media reports that so and so person is a womaniser... but who cares.. I admire him for his acting talent!!" A person cannot be segregated into fragments to love. One cannot be blind to the grey areas. Hitler had great regard for art, remember!
This brings me to point no.5.
India has two buckets to place women in..and are evident in Bollywood movies- Hero ki maa hoti hai and behen hoti hai... maa wears sarees and behen wears salwar suit with dupatta... low cut blouses are for the heroine. So respect is also distributed based on the yards of  clothing on the body.
Love +Respect equation is missing. Its either/ or. Another reason for social evils like gaslighting and emotional abuse in relationships. Remember English Vinglish? How many men truly love and respect their wives at the same time?
Let’s move to our workplaces, statistics says that women are interrupted more often while speaking than men, ridiculed more often for their opinions. And  spoken over. The science of it  relates it to voice pitches of men vs women.
Then let’s move to the sexism of the society more so in workplaces. There is great study done by Dr. Peter Glick on benevolent sexism, which is exact opposite of hostile sexism.  It talks about  behaviour by men which appears subjectively positive but  is damaging in long run. It’s about reverence of women only in mother  and child caring roles. How many does it happen that a woman's dress and skin is rated more than her brain? The question of how you manage kids may seem like caring but is a form of benevolent sexism. Viewing women as more compassionate and gentle and men as more aggressive can penalize women who are assertive, leading people to deem them "bossy" or "too harsh."  Its pretty simple actually, for men who treat women with respect, the feeling is reciprocated and you would see it in the eyes of women, that they feel safe in your company. Again by science, women are intuitive and can see beyond the facades of pseudo feminists and masochists. The simple fact it comes down to is  to  having mutual respect.
None of the relations irrespective of genders can survive if this basic essence is missing.
A snide remark is violating respect.
A sexist comment is violating respect.
An unwanted hug is violating respect
Suggesting a makeover to a woman to grow in organisation is violating respect.
Anything that makes the other uncomfortable is violating respect.
Above all, allowing it to happen is the greatest violation.
Irrespective of genders, as a society if only mutual respect is given priority, it wouldn't disintegrate and we leave this world a better, safer place for everyone.