Falling in love with an idea of...

My first #SRK movie that ingrained the idea of boundless love was #Deewana. I was asked this question by foreigners about our craze with SRK. Lets face it, we either love him or hate him, or love to hate him! But he was somewhat of a phenomenon for us 90s women. The way I like to decipher our obsession with SRK is by reasoning that the era before him was in the order of angry young man followed by elopements of QSQT era and basically a void where no character shaped up. The Barjatya brigade was skewed towards family and then walks in an awkward looking man who provided the right balance of romance and great indian family values. #DDLJ was an epitome of crazy, immature hero who pulls pranks and then grows up enough to follow Simran home, who fights a very athletic 6' Parmeet Sethi only pumped on adreline from love for Simran, who stops midway when he notices he is about to hit the girls Dad. Move to #Pardes , SRK is now Rahul which is such a common name that it could be any tom,dick , harry from Indian population. He says, " Agar Ganga ki iffazat karna pyar hai... toh hai . ..( If protecting Ganga is love, then yes, i am in love with her) ... Then there was #Dilse, just the way he looked at Manisha Koirala melted hearts.
But then came the critics, who said he was in a box and had a range beyond which he couldnt perform.He proved with #Swades and #ChakDe.
By now, its evident how big a fan I am of the man. A man I never found handsome btw, and isnt it a criteria when we crush over celebrities?
So what is it about him? And then i realise, I am in love with the idea of that man, of the characters he created. Of the crazy #Mohabbatein fazed nostalgia. Of the virginity of first love. Think of it, it matched me at right age. With this realisation, is also the realisation of the fact that how frequently do we fall in love with an idea of something or someone? And how frequently we suffer when reality fails to match our expectations?
I, a die hard #SRK fan didnt watch #FAN or #RAEES or  by the same logic, I wont watch #Zero simply because it doesn't match my idea of SRK. I did watch #Dilwale and #DearZindagi. By experimenting, he is not matching my expectations of him. At 50, he might not be able to play a romantic lead, or maybe bollywood lacks the creativity to come up with scripts for him.( I have two ready) whatever.
By being rigid to my idea of SRK , I am not even giving him a chance.
Sadly, this is well reflected in our lives, we fall in love with an idea of ourselves or our loved ones and forget to be fluid. Sometimes we suffer from undue stress when reality doesnt match up...
How many such ideas have tied you up?

Outcasts rule the world

Oscar Wilde, Kurt Cobain, Chester Bennington, Freddie Mercury, even Galileo for that matter... whats common between all of them is that they all were people who believed in their raw, unadulterated talent and they were people who never wanted to confirm, who never bowed down to mediocrity. And why should they? 
As Oscar Wilde put it, "To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people exist thats all." 
I believe that all of us are born with the same spark called life, only that as we grow, we forget to maintain that spark, try to lose ourselves in the crowd, just to fit in. Sadly, history is not created by people who fit in, but those who stand out. Who have the courage to embrace their eccentricity and who are unashamed of their queerness ( both meanings intended)
Ironically, people lose their essence in an effort to fit in, to be loved but the ones that are loved, adored and even worshipped are the ones who dont strive for it!
Finally it comes down to self belief and the courage that comes with it. So really, next time you are afraid to speak up- Just ask, What for?
As Freddie said-I always knew I was a star And now, the rest of the world seems to agree with me.
Its just a matter of time, if we dont lose the spark!

Hypocrisy

I meant to say this since long, but somehow didnt know how to gather by thoughts around the hypocrisy of the society we live in. Let me first list down the triggers behind this write up in chronological order:
1. Jia Khan suicide case
2. Emma Watson
3. Harvey Weinstein case
4. The whole #metoo movement
5. The extension of it to India.
6. Some observations in day to day life

So where do I start and more importantly why do i start?
I will address the why part first. Humans have a tendency of dealing with everything  beyond the comfort zone - Ignore and hope it take cares of itself. Doesnt work.
Ours is a society of juxtapositions, where we have women like sunny leone who managed to maintain her dignity even with her background in adult movie industry and then we have women like rakhi sawant with no credibility.
Lets go west, The people who voted for Obama  belonged to the same nation that voted for Trump.
We have decent men maintaining a dignified silence and we have men like singer  Abhijit saying bullshit.
Point is to be aware of this juxtaposition.
To be aware that there were victims and there were harassers and there were mute spectators.  And there is a media which will portay it in juiciest way possible for TRPs which actually is the saddest part of this whole equation.
When any issue arises, we deal with it to come out on the otherside as a stronger, better society. But in this information age, everything is saleable- emotions, pain and above all harassment. What it finally leads to is diluting the issue at hand.
So what is the issue?
The way I see it, its an issue of dominance. Of one gender over other only because they feel the other gender is weaker- in postion, social status or physically maybe. And the other gender has 'allowed' them to think so, to adhere to the age old norms created by society. A norm which goes into victim shaming.Mind you I am not naming the genders, because somehow in this situation, women atleast joined the #metoo movement because they had a community, men who were harassed may never get to the point of sharing it in open for the fear of being ridiculed. I think thats sadder.
I have to accept here that I am not mature enough to feel the pain of the victims here. What can I do however is to call a spade a spade.
Isnt there something fundamentally wrong with a society that dictates that job safety comes over human safety? Why would someone choose to remain in a unsafe environment only because it can cost them their jobs, careers and integrity?
And the integrity of the harassers remains intact? Society fails here not the victims.
Mind you, we are still talking about showbiz, so we are the ones idol worshipping the so called celebrities.
How many times have we remarked that, "Yes, I have heard of media reports that so and so person is a womaniser... but who cares.. i admire him for his acting talent!!" A person cannot be segregated into fragments to love. One cannot be blind to the grey areas. Hitler had great regard for art, remember!
This brings me to point no.5.
India has two buckets to place women in..and are evident in Bollywood movies- Hero ki maa hoti hai and behen hoti hai... maa wears sarees and behen wears salwar suit with dupatta... low cut blouses are for the heroine. So respect is also distributed based on the yards of  clothing on the body.
Love +Respect equation is missing. Its either/ or.
Its pretty simple actually, for men who treat women with respect, the feeling is reciprocated and you would see it in the eyes of women, that they feel safe in your company. Again by science, women are intuitive and can see beyond the facades of pseudo feminists and masochists.
And now I go back to my role of being gender neutral. I have never believed in calling favours as i am more of an individualist.  The simple fact it comes down to is  to  having mutual respect.
None of the relations irrespective of genders can survive if this basic essence is missing.
A snide remark is violating respect.
A sexist comment is violating respect.
Anything that makes the other uncomfortable is violating respect.
Above all, allowing it to happen is the greatest violation.
Irrespective of genders, as a society if only mutual respect is given priority, it wouldn't disintegrate and we leave this world a better, safer place for everyone.

True Beauty

I have always struggled with my weight, since puberty hit me. I remember after one summer vacation in school, when I entered my class and everyone looked at me differently.
Luckily, I grew up in 90s when the societal pressure of being thin wasnt evident or maybe my parents never made me feel it.
I have spent better part of my 20s gymming, swimming or worse fad dieting...to be slim. Now when I look back to those pics, I was way slimmer than what I am today.
I got married still on the wrong side of the scale according to social standards.
I recently heard from a girl who said she felt much more confident after losing weight. I am thankful that I never derived my confidence from my body shape but from my intellectual abilities.
And the worst conversations for me were when colleagues at work table discussed weight, when clearly malnourished girls cribbed about losing weight.
It took me a lot of growing up to finally realise the concept of true beauty. So here I am at 35 realising that, I may be a few kgs over weight, I may have a few curves but as long as I am fit enough to climb a flight of stairs, to chase my daughter across the playing field, to work 9 hours and come back home and still have the energy to play with my daughter, I need not be worried. I am perfect anyway.
Most importantly, my true beauty lies in my thoughts, my morals and my ability to be courageous and straightforward.
I sum my character in a famous song- "Ik gal maadi jithe ad jaye garari, jind vech ke bhi bol nu poogayida, baba jithe bhi rakhe khush rahiye khede matthe, kisi da bhi hakk nayyo khaida."
I did lose some weight recently when I noticed I wasnt able to perform some of aforementioned tasks, losing my breath on the 4th floor itself.
And I met an amazing doctor who in the first meeting told me," Weight is transient, just a number." Who told me when I was promoted at work that this is real achievement, your efforts to lose weight is just self management. And I knew I had found the right person to help me.

When I did lose a bit a  friend commented,
"You look pretty, did you lose weight?"
My response," Darling,I was always pretty. Now I am just thinner and pretty."

I believe every woman has TRUE BEAUTY within her in all the roles she plays. For over 18 years across 650 plus salons across the country, Naturals has been helping the Beautiful Indian Woman get more Beautiful.
Today Naturals Salutes the Beautiful Indian Woman.
Presenting Naturals TRUE BEAUTY…

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Being woman : Good, Bad &Ugly

Being  woman : Good, Bad &Ugly

I meant to say this since long, but somehow didn’t know how to gather by thoughts around the hypocrisy of the society we live in. Let me first list down the triggers behind this write up in chronological order:
• Jiah Khan suicide case
• Harvey Weinstein case
• The whole #metoo movement
• The extension of it to India.
•  Some observations in day to day life
So where do I start and more importantly why do i start?
I will address the why part first. Humans have a tendency of dealing with everything  beyond the comfort zone - Ignore and hope it take cares of itself. Doesn’t work.
Ours is a society of juxtapositions, where we have women like #sunnyleone who managed to maintain her dignity even with her background in adult movie industry and then we have women like #rakhisawant with no credibility.
Lets go west, The people who voted for #Obama  belonged to the same nation that voted for #Trump.
We have decent men maintaining a dignified silence and we have men like singer  Abhijit saying bullshit.
Point is to be aware of this juxtaposition.
To be aware that there were victims and there were harassers and there were mute spectators.  And there is a media which will portray it in juiciest way possible for TRPs which actually is the saddest part of this whole equation.
When any issue arises, we deal with it to come out on the other side as a stronger, better society. But in this information age, everything is saleable- emotions, pain and above all harassment. What it finally leads to is diluting the issue at hand.
So what is the issue?
The way I see it, its an issue of dominance. Of one gender over other only because they feel the other gender is weaker- in position, social status or physically maybe. And the other gender has 'allowed' them to think so, to adhere to the age old norms created by society. A norm which goes into victim shaming. Mind you I am not naming the genders, because somehow in this situation, women at least joined the #metoo movement because they had a community, men who were harassed may never get to the point of sharing it in open for the fear of being ridiculed. I think that’s sadder that they won’t get a voice.
I have to accept here that I am not mature enough to feel the pain of the victims here. What can I do however is to call a spade a spade.
Isn’t there something fundamentally wrong with a society that dictates that job safety comes over human safety? Why would someone choose to remain in a unsafe environment only because it can cost them their jobs, careers and integrity?
And the integrity of the harassers remains intact? Society fails here not the victims.
Mind you, we are still talking about showbiz, so we are the ones idol worshipping the so called celebrities.
How many times have we remarked that, "Yes, I have heard of media reports that so and so person is a womaniser... but who cares.. I admire him for his acting talent!!" A person cannot be segregated into fragments to love. One cannot be blind to the grey areas. Hitler had great regard for art, remember!
This brings me to point no.5.
India has two buckets to place women in..and are evident in Bollywood movies- Hero ki maa hoti hai and behen hoti hai... maa wears sarees and behen wears salwar suit with dupatta... low cut blouses are for the heroine. So respect is also distributed based on the yards of  clothing on the body.
Love +Respect equation is missing. Its either/ or. Another reason for social evils like gaslighting and emotional abuse in relationships. Remember English Vinglish? How many men truly love and respect their wives at the same time?
Let’s move to our workplaces, statistics says that women are interrupted more often while speaking than men, ridiculed more often for their opinions. And  spoken over. The science of it  relates it to voice pitches of men vs women.
Then let’s move to the sexism of the society more so in workplaces. There is great study done by Dr. Peter Glick on benevolent sexism, which is exact opposite of hostile sexism.  It talks about  behaviour by men which appears subjectively positive but  is damaging in long run. It’s about reverence of women only in mother  and child caring roles. How many does it happen that a woman's dress and skin is rated more than her brain? The question of how you manage kids may seem like caring but is a form of benevolent sexism. Viewing women as more compassionate and gentle and men as more aggressive can penalize women who are assertive, leading people to deem them "bossy" or "too harsh."  Its pretty simple actually, for men who treat women with respect, the feeling is reciprocated and you would see it in the eyes of women, that they feel safe in your company. Again by science, women are intuitive and can see beyond the facades of pseudo feminists and masochists. The simple fact it comes down to is  to  having mutual respect.
None of the relations irrespective of genders can survive if this basic essence is missing.
A snide remark is violating respect.
A sexist comment is violating respect.
An unwanted hug is violating respect
Suggesting a makeover to a woman to grow in organisation is violating respect.
Anything that makes the other uncomfortable is violating respect.
Above all, allowing it to happen is the greatest violation.
Irrespective of genders, as a society if only mutual respect is given priority, it wouldn't disintegrate and we leave this world a better, safer place for everyone.

The dilemma of a working woman

As you grow older, you realise that certain things or rather certain people don't deserve a response. We create less drama as we grow older and possibly wiser but at the same time we demand the same from people, to be reasonable. So it was easy for me to ignore certain comments made by a celebrity wife inspite of being a working woman. I don't expect a twenty something whose only achievement probably is marriage to a celebrity to have the maturity or realise the struggles. It's probably unfair of me to make this statement too, I am no one to judge someone else's life.

But this also made me do a root cause analysis of the whole scenario. I have certain Observations and I list them as I go ahead

1. Written vs. Verbal :
We live in an Information Age where written and indirect communication has somehow become very important. The ancient Greeks and Indians laid emphasis on verbal communication. Ram-Leela was performed in front of live audiences so the reaction of audiences was instant. All our epics were transferred in form of recitations and there itself is the difference. Today it is easy to hide behind a pseudonym and write nonsense. Just read the comments section of any post on any internet media. It is filled with at least one fool who thinks bullying is okay, using cuss words unnecessarily is okay, judging strangers is okay. It is simpler to write hateful words than to say them. That alone is not the problem.  Try saying the same words to a person on face, a little something called basic decorum stops us because the reaction would be instant. You could read the disappointment, fear, hurt on the other persons face. And that is one of the problem of this internet age. We say things we don't mean.
2. Feminism:
It has slowly transformed from being a powerful word to a word with negative connotation. Open any of the Facebook so called humour pages and you will find memes of sexist humour and memes making fun of the idea behind feminism. My favourite being the graph that relates feminism to body weight and ugliness. Question is who is to blame for it? Patriarchy or pseudo feminists? What is worth fighting for? I have my own idea of feminism which may differ from the said celebrity wife and I have the maturity to give her time to mature. I have the maturity to accept that at 20 I had totally different set of beliefs. I am a firm believer that feminism is not only needed for women but if we really want to bring about change it is a gender neutral phenomenon.
3. Responsible media:
I really have been harping about this. There are a thousand news channels who want to run 24 hours and need something to create a hue and cry about. And that's where unimportant people and issues get importance. Why should I care about what a celebrity wife thinks? Why should I care about how the so called top comedians fought mid air? It's the media which ingrains that I need to care to feed their TRPs.
The click bait sites are another story. "Ten reasons why feminism is a hoax.#6 really surprised me" and I am tempted to read what #6 is. It's all a capitalist world feeding on our reactions, our emotions.
4.  So now question is which battles do I choose to fight?
I can choose to not react to celebrity drama and media hypes.
I choose to not click the numerous clickbaits.
But
I choose to react to every moron I meet in real life who thinks feminism is a word misused by women for their own good.
I chose to react to every woman who misuses the word.
I chose to react to patriarchal women who judge other women.
I recently overheard a conversation where a school principal was lecturing parents about spending more time with kids in an effort to explain why their school wasn't organising summer camps for two hours a day. The argument was that today's parents need to invest in kids or a kind of new generation will emerge who won't care for the parents back.
I choose to react to such people because the future of the kids is in hands of such people.
I chose to educate them that no parent ever on the face of earth is careless enough to not spend quality time with their kids. Working women are balancing work, home, finances, cooking and million other things but no person has the right to judge and lecture any parent on what their parenting style should be. We grew up with working parents and turned out fine.
And I have only one answer to every person who believes working women are neglecting their kids and will payback when the kids won't be attached to them. And the answer is -that every parent should raise independent kids who don't grow up to be dependent on parents for choosing their shirts for the day.  The kid didn't choose to be born to you, we chose to bring them in the world so it's our responsibility to not burden them with the expectations we have of them in regards to our old age. If I am raising my kid right, she will grow up to be a decent human being. That's all I should expect.
In conclusion, to all working women out there and all homemakers and all parents who are raising kids, chose what you react to and chose your battles carefully.

Mental health #2

#WorldMentalHealthDay

I am not an activist or an article writer to motivate the seemingly normal people to be open to issues of mental health. All I have is my stories. I hope it connects.
1. It’s never the external factors, it’s the inner turmoil and how a person chooses to deal with it. Remember Chester Bennington of #LinkinPark
2. There is no profile. A person can mask it really well, so don’t just go about profiling someone as suicidal or not.
3. It’s the 21st century let’s be inclusive in spirit not because it seems cool. Be it #mentalhealth #LGBTQ or anything that was below the carpet decades back.

#letstalkmentalheath

I have been contacted by people, stating that why did I kill the main lead. That too in a grotesquely manner. I am not an activist or an article writer to explain, or to motivate the seemingly normal people to be open to issues of mental health. All I have is my stories. I hope everyone who wrote to me, get their answers.
1. It’s never the external factors, it’s the inner turmoil and how a person chooses to deal with it. Why else would Chester Bennington do what he did? Or #AnthonyBourdain
2. There is no profile. A person can mask it really well, so don’t just go about profiling someone as suicidal or not.
3. It’s the 21st century let’s be inclusive in spirit not because it seems cool. Be it #mentalhealth #LGBTQ or anything that was below the carpet decades back.

Chapter 12
———————-
Past Closure
———————-
“It’s funny how memory works, “ Abeer continued,lost in thoughts, “I cant remember now what the fight was about.” He pinched his nose trying to remember and then gave up with a sigh. “ I had gone home, which always was a difficult time for me, but I had to.” He paused deciding to continue or not.
“Pakhi did tell me about your relationship with your mother.” I supplied to make him comfortable. He was surprised and said so, “ It wasn’t all too bad,” he justified before continuing, “You ask me about that day and trust me, I don’t remember anything else about that day except how it made me feel. I still shiver at the memory of seeing her in the hospital.”
I chuckled and he noticed.
“That’s not what I heard.” I accused again but he maintained his composure.
“Obviously, you have a different version of the story than me, I can only tell you what really happened and maybe then you can go back and check if Pakhi told you the truth.” He waited for me to respond and when I nodded he went into a reverie
“ I had been out of touch with Pakhi for a month I guess, the reason was that I had gone home. And my home wasn’t a pleasant place to be, it was a place where I was constantly reminded of my failures and I avoided talking to Pakhi when I went home because I didn’t want to take it out on her. It was my way of separating the good in my life from the hell that home was.”
He got up at that and took the framed sketch made by Pakhi down, he caressed  the hair of the girl in the sketch as he spoke, “Pakhi told me that this girl was her, always looking out of the window, waiting for me to come back.”
I winced at that, which Abeer didn’t notice as he still was looking at the sketch.
“She wasn’t home when I returned and when I called, her brother picked up and informed me about her being in the hospital. Everything after that is hazy, I just remember I was sitting next to her bed and she was lying there all pale and weak.”
“And then you slapped her.” I was losing my patience.
He didn’t deny. “And then I slapped her.”
He repeated, not regretting it, “ She was everything for me, and I couldn’t understand how could she value her life so little and do such a thing.”
“Because you made her feel unimportant.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be like that, I wasn’t supposed to be this important.” He explained.
“You were to her.” I replied ,”then.”
“I didn’t know that, I wasn’t used to be important to anyone. I didn’t  even know how to process my emotions when I saw her like that and so I reacted. I turned into this angry person who took it out on everyone including her and her brother only because I was hurt.”
“That’s your explanation ?” I asked sarcastically and he nodded as if it was the most logical explanation ever.
“Next day I returned to apologise, but by then she had already made her decision and she asked me to leave her forever.”
“Which you did?” I asked and he shrugged.
“Did it ever cross your mind, to check how can a person who did something extreme one day for you, turn the next day to throw you out?”
“It did cross my mind, and I begged her for another chance. Promising that I won’t screw up this time, but she was adamant.”
“And it was easy for you to give it up than do pursue?”
“Trust me nothing was easy, but I am glad I left, clearly we were bad for each other and I am happy that she has a happy life with you.”
I didn’t react.
I was no closer to getting the answers I desired. “ I don’t think I can come around to justify people who give up on their dreams or their life.” I thought out loud and this time Abeer laughed. What I said was an extension of my own struggle to deal with Pakhis departure.
“Is that how you think of her, yugaant?” He asked me and I didn’t reply.
“Or us?” He asked again and I was ashamed of myself for even voicing my thoughts.
“Trust me Doctor, it takes a lot of strength to do what she did. Physically hurting an unknown person is easy, even mobsters and other lowlifes do it with ease because you yourself don’t feel the pain, having the strength to do it to yourself is derived from a lot of pain. Pain which becomes insurmountable.”
“ You are the psychology expert right?” He asked me sarcastically but I sat there with my head hung low. “ it’s easy to say that you dislike certain people, but difficult to go and understand them. All you have seen is the scar and formed an opinion, that day I had seen the seriousness of her actions, and it scared me. It wasn’t an attention seeking gimmick Doctor, it was a serious attempt gone wrong fortunately.” He went on lecturing me not realising the passion with which he was defending Pakhi.
“People don’t commit suicide as a reaction to their external environment, Doctor, people do it because of the battles they fight everyday within.”he pushed his finger at his heart while saying that and his eyes welled up for what he said next, “I have not spend a single day in peace, since I left Pakhi, not because I am hung up on her, I am grown up enough to know that she made a decision to be away from me. But because , I failed her. I failed to understand what went on inside her even after spending so much time with each other.”
I didn’t have the courage to admit that I failed Pakhi too, so I just sat there listening to him taking it out of his system, noticing that he had resorted to calling me Doctor, but I had to rush past these trivial thoughts and concentrate on the task at hand. Pakhi.
“Do You now know?” I asked him directly.
He shrugged. “All I know now is that, we got together very young with a lot of expectations from each other and when they weren’t fulfilled, it messed up with our heads. I was distant as I was dealing with my own problems not realising that she wanted to be a part of it. In trying to protect her, I damaged her. You know how it’s said that a bird struggling it’s way  out of the egg is part of its strength buildup? And shouldn’t be helped as we risk crippling it? I tried to handle her with caution and messed up pretty bad. She felt alienated by me.” He went on and on, gathering his thoughts.
“She is better off without me” he repeated conclusively. “Maybe It wasn’t about me at all, it was just who she was then” he smiled to himself, “Well that’s what I tell myself, when I cannot sleep at night.” He concluded and looked up at me.
I was still not able to connect the dots of the whole puzzle this was. I had an image of Abeer when I visited him, I always knew he was important to Pakhi and in meeting him, I was hoping that he would have all the answers, but he didn’t seem to.Even if he did, his answers were sounding superficial to me. or maybe he was just entertaining me.
I decided to play a little to get what I wanted from him.
“Frankly Abeer, the reason I walked into your house the day before after I saw your sculpture was because I was intrigued. Pakhi told me everything about you when we first met, and I was intrigued then too, I had not heard of such passion. And that time I attributed it to the sensitivity of artists. The raw emotional appeal that’s identified with them. Like I have read about the paradoxes of artists,Pakhi was like that- openly brash and bold in public, but still shy and emotional in her own way.”  I unknowingly used the past tense but he didn’t notice.
“But she changed with you?” He asked attributing my use of the past to the fact that I was talking about Pakhi as she was then, when I met her.
I nodded,lying again.
She hadn’t changed. She had just learned to mask herself better. A thing I realised after she left me.
“Similarly, I had an image of you. An elusive brat who didn’t care for the world but focused on his art. That’s how Pakhi portrayed you.”
He laughed.
“You are the psychiatrist, you tell me.” He challenged.
I had no answer.
He got up to put the sketch back on the wall, angling it perfectly, moving it by millimetres till he was satisfied that it was perfectly positioned. He then wiped the edges of the sketch for nonexistent dust with his sleeve. And I noticed his movements. Apart from the way he carried himself, the overgrown salt and pepper hair, the stubble growing on his chin and the relaxed way in which he dressed, there was nothing in fact relaxed about him. I looked around the immaculately decorated room.
It wasn’t a room of a man who didn’t care. It was a palace waiting for its queen. Everything was at its rightful place and his relaxed demeanour was in fact him waiting.
I had a short pang of jealousy as this realisation hit me. In the mean time he was back at his place, sitting opposite me and looking at me with a self assured smirk.
“ Why are you so sure that, she will be back?” I asked him and he didn’t flinch, he wasn’t surprised, he just smiled and within seconds the assertiveness of the first day I met him was back. At that moment, he didn’t care that I was Pakhis husband. For him, we both had an understanding, where he finally understood that I had deciphered him.
“Why are you so sure that she won’t be?” He threw back at me. “She asked me to stay away and I am holding my end of the bargain. I won’t ever interfere in her life. If today you call her up and ask me to talk to her, I won’t. I promised her that. I will wait for her permission to invite me back in her life. But that doesn’t mean that she won’t be back on her own.”
I sniggered at the information I had withheld from him. Right that moment, I had two choices, one to keep him waiting forever and second to end his misery. I wasn’t sure that he would be able to handle the reality, still I decided to go with it. He had just minutes back assured me that he was a grown up.
“You told me, your end of the story, Abeer, I said getting up.... “let me tell you my end.”
He folded his hands and looked up at me, waiting.