Falling in love with an idea of...

My first #SRK movie that ingrained the idea of boundless love was #Deewana. I was asked this question by foreigners about our craze with SRK. Lets face it, we either love him or hate him, or love to hate him! But he was somewhat of a phenomenon for us 90s women. The way I like to decipher our obsession with SRK is by reasoning that the era before him was in the order of angry young man followed by elopements of QSQT era and basically a void where no character shaped up. The Barjatya brigade was skewed towards family and then walks in an awkward looking man who provided the right balance of romance and great indian family values. #DDLJ was an epitome of crazy, immature hero who pulls pranks and then grows up enough to follow Simran home, who fights a very athletic 6' Parmeet Sethi only pumped on adreline from love for Simran, who stops midway when he notices he is about to hit the girls Dad. Move to #Pardes , SRK is now Rahul which is such a common name that it could be any tom,dick , harry from Indian population. He says, " Agar Ganga ki iffazat karna pyar hai... toh hai . ..( If protecting Ganga is love, then yes, i am in love with her) ... Then there was #Dilse, just the way he looked at Manisha Koirala melted hearts.
But then came the critics, who said he was in a box and had a range beyond which he couldnt perform.He proved with #Swades and #ChakDe.
By now, its evident how big a fan I am of the man. A man I never found handsome btw, and isnt it a criteria when we crush over celebrities?
So what is it about him? And then i realise, I am in love with the idea of that man, of the characters he created. Of the crazy #Mohabbatein fazed nostalgia. Of the virginity of first love. Think of it, it matched me at right age. With this realisation, is also the realisation of the fact that how frequently do we fall in love with an idea of something or someone? And how frequently we suffer when reality fails to match our expectations?
I, a die hard #SRK fan didnt watch #FAN or #RAEES or  by the same logic, I wont watch #Zero simply because it doesn't match my idea of SRK. I did watch #Dilwale and #DearZindagi. By experimenting, he is not matching my expectations of him. At 50, he might not be able to play a romantic lead, or maybe bollywood lacks the creativity to come up with scripts for him.( I have two ready) whatever.
By being rigid to my idea of SRK , I am not even giving him a chance.
Sadly, this is well reflected in our lives, we fall in love with an idea of ourselves or our loved ones and forget to be fluid. Sometimes we suffer from undue stress when reality doesnt match up...
How many such ideas have tied you up?

Outcasts rule the world

Oscar Wilde, Kurt Cobain, Chester Bennington, Freddie Mercury, even Galileo for that matter... whats common between all of them is that they all were people who believed in their raw, unadulterated talent and they were people who never wanted to confirm, who never bowed down to mediocrity. And why should they? 
As Oscar Wilde put it, "To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people exist thats all." 
I believe that all of us are born with the same spark called life, only that as we grow, we forget to maintain that spark, try to lose ourselves in the crowd, just to fit in. Sadly, history is not created by people who fit in, but those who stand out. Who have the courage to embrace their eccentricity and who are unashamed of their queerness ( both meanings intended)
Ironically, people lose their essence in an effort to fit in, to be loved but the ones that are loved, adored and even worshipped are the ones who dont strive for it!
Finally it comes down to self belief and the courage that comes with it. So really, next time you are afraid to speak up- Just ask, What for?
As Freddie said-I always knew I was a star And now, the rest of the world seems to agree with me.
Its just a matter of time, if we dont lose the spark!

Hypocrisy

I meant to say this since long, but somehow didnt know how to gather by thoughts around the hypocrisy of the society we live in. Let me first list down the triggers behind this write up in chronological order:
1. Jia Khan suicide case
2. Emma Watson
3. Harvey Weinstein case
4. The whole #metoo movement
5. The extension of it to India.
6. Some observations in day to day life

So where do I start and more importantly why do i start?
I will address the why part first. Humans have a tendency of dealing with everything  beyond the comfort zone - Ignore and hope it take cares of itself. Doesnt work.
Ours is a society of juxtapositions, where we have women like sunny leone who managed to maintain her dignity even with her background in adult movie industry and then we have women like rakhi sawant with no credibility.
Lets go west, The people who voted for Obama  belonged to the same nation that voted for Trump.
We have decent men maintaining a dignified silence and we have men like singer  Abhijit saying bullshit.
Point is to be aware of this juxtaposition.
To be aware that there were victims and there were harassers and there were mute spectators.  And there is a media which will portay it in juiciest way possible for TRPs which actually is the saddest part of this whole equation.
When any issue arises, we deal with it to come out on the otherside as a stronger, better society. But in this information age, everything is saleable- emotions, pain and above all harassment. What it finally leads to is diluting the issue at hand.
So what is the issue?
The way I see it, its an issue of dominance. Of one gender over other only because they feel the other gender is weaker- in postion, social status or physically maybe. And the other gender has 'allowed' them to think so, to adhere to the age old norms created by society. A norm which goes into victim shaming.Mind you I am not naming the genders, because somehow in this situation, women atleast joined the #metoo movement because they had a community, men who were harassed may never get to the point of sharing it in open for the fear of being ridiculed. I think thats sadder.
I have to accept here that I am not mature enough to feel the pain of the victims here. What can I do however is to call a spade a spade.
Isnt there something fundamentally wrong with a society that dictates that job safety comes over human safety? Why would someone choose to remain in a unsafe environment only because it can cost them their jobs, careers and integrity?
And the integrity of the harassers remains intact? Society fails here not the victims.
Mind you, we are still talking about showbiz, so we are the ones idol worshipping the so called celebrities.
How many times have we remarked that, "Yes, I have heard of media reports that so and so person is a womaniser... but who cares.. i admire him for his acting talent!!" A person cannot be segregated into fragments to love. One cannot be blind to the grey areas. Hitler had great regard for art, remember!
This brings me to point no.5.
India has two buckets to place women in..and are evident in Bollywood movies- Hero ki maa hoti hai and behen hoti hai... maa wears sarees and behen wears salwar suit with dupatta... low cut blouses are for the heroine. So respect is also distributed based on the yards of  clothing on the body.
Love +Respect equation is missing. Its either/ or.
Its pretty simple actually, for men who treat women with respect, the feeling is reciprocated and you would see it in the eyes of women, that they feel safe in your company. Again by science, women are intuitive and can see beyond the facades of pseudo feminists and masochists.
And now I go back to my role of being gender neutral. I have never believed in calling favours as i am more of an individualist.  The simple fact it comes down to is  to  having mutual respect.
None of the relations irrespective of genders can survive if this basic essence is missing.
A snide remark is violating respect.
A sexist comment is violating respect.
Anything that makes the other uncomfortable is violating respect.
Above all, allowing it to happen is the greatest violation.
Irrespective of genders, as a society if only mutual respect is given priority, it wouldn't disintegrate and we leave this world a better, safer place for everyone.

True Beauty

I have always struggled with my weight, since puberty hit me. I remember after one summer vacation in school, when I entered my class and everyone looked at me differently.
Luckily, I grew up in 90s when the societal pressure of being thin wasnt evident or maybe my parents never made me feel it.
I have spent better part of my 20s gymming, swimming or worse fad dieting...to be slim. Now when I look back to those pics, I was way slimmer than what I am today.
I got married still on the wrong side of the scale according to social standards.
I recently heard from a girl who said she felt much more confident after losing weight. I am thankful that I never derived my confidence from my body shape but from my intellectual abilities.
And the worst conversations for me were when colleagues at work table discussed weight, when clearly malnourished girls cribbed about losing weight.
It took me a lot of growing up to finally realise the concept of true beauty. So here I am at 35 realising that, I may be a few kgs over weight, I may have a few curves but as long as I am fit enough to climb a flight of stairs, to chase my daughter across the playing field, to work 9 hours and come back home and still have the energy to play with my daughter, I need not be worried. I am perfect anyway.
Most importantly, my true beauty lies in my thoughts, my morals and my ability to be courageous and straightforward.
I sum my character in a famous song- "Ik gal maadi jithe ad jaye garari, jind vech ke bhi bol nu poogayida, baba jithe bhi rakhe khush rahiye khede matthe, kisi da bhi hakk nayyo khaida."
I did lose some weight recently when I noticed I wasnt able to perform some of aforementioned tasks, losing my breath on the 4th floor itself.
And I met an amazing doctor who in the first meeting told me," Weight is transient, just a number." Who told me when I was promoted at work that this is real achievement, your efforts to lose weight is just self management. And I knew I had found the right person to help me.

When I did lose a bit a  friend commented,
"You look pretty, did you lose weight?"
My response," Darling,I was always pretty. Now I am just thinner and pretty."

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