This piece was also published here:
http://www.womensweb.in/2015/04/why-dont-women-speak-up/
I meant to write this since Dec 2012; when the horrific incident came to light and thousands of Indians were on street to protest it.
But I didn't, not because I had no opinion but because I was mentally shut down. I have been raised to be uncomfortable using words like ‘assault’, ‘rape’ even ‘molestation’, that’s not the things that happen to my strata of society, that's for a different class of people. I was raised as a cherished, protected child who still cries if someone talks to me in a louder voice. I just cant take it because I have never been talked to like that. My parents were the sober, educated class who focused just on education and good behavior. We were never forced to fast, observe any religious occasion with zeal. So for us, god exists somewhere, not in temples though. We are not atheists. But we aren't overzealous religious fanatics either. We have our faith in our heart.
But something changed in 2012, I didn't feel protected anymore, and I wished God existed in more real sense.
How could someone condemn someone to such brutality? I had spend sleepless nights after watching the movie “Khatta Meetha” where Akshay Kumar's sister played by “Urvashi Sharma” gets “horrific treatment” (again because I cannot bring myself to use the word rape) from his husband and his friends. So imagine, how many fortnight’s I spent awake after 2012!
I snapped again when recent events of a 3 year old being molested surfaced. I was the kind of person who changed topic when such discussions came up, now I discussed the issue with a vigilant male colleague without any awkwardness because we both were adults concerned for our kids.
And then it stuck me, the whole issue is this very behavior of mine. We as Indians are taught to be docile, we don't discuss these things. When we read the papers, we flip it in case someone sees us reading such news. We change channels when Edward kisses Bella in Twilight. We refuse to embrace our sexuality. Men and women aren’t sexual beings in India and that is the whole problem.
Because men being men have a different society one which berates women in ways they themselves don’t realize. Some are as bashful as to eve tease, some share videos on all-men group in watsapp of naked women, a mellowed down version is sharing vulgar jokes, then there are some who find relief in berating women- be it at work or at home. I once heard a man remark how a certain woman, a recent mother had it easy because she worked only 3 days a week. I bet his tiny brain couldn’t get across the fact that she was the one not having it easy as she balanced home, work and kids only because she needed to work, maybe because they won’t get through financially otherwise or maybe because she had the audacity to demand a career for herself. But I kept mum and yes changed the topic!
And we women, have learnt to be silent about the mistreatment fearing we might come across as strong feminists everybody hates. Face it, the favorite is always the salwar clad, long hair, soft spoken girl who smiles at all. And we try to be her because we don't want to be ridiculed by our male friends as ‘krantikari-kalam waali bai’ ("a feminist"-I got called that when I debated for women rights)
But its high time this attitude changes, we as women need to speak out, as the need for discussion on women’s rights exists because the partiality exists and we need to face it head on.
India's daughter’s was made by a non-Indian woman, because we fail to talk about this issue, and for record I am on the side which opposes this documentary, not because of the content but because of the intent. I also oppose the scared government who banned it. I just wish such an issue was handled a bit more respectfully. And yes, I don’t agree with Javed Akhtar when he says that such films will highlight the issue. How will a film shown to foreign audiences change Indian mentality? (And that’s where I oppose the ban). Also, how will showing the closed mentality of some so-called educated lawyers, make us change ours? The film got made because we Indians lack the courage to touch something so recent in fear of scratching recent wounds, because we believe time heals everything and we don’t talk about such things ever.
I met an European once on a trip to India, and I asked him, how do you like it? His reply was, “Its dirty” What this film does is tell the world about our culture from a restricted point of view. Its like taking all the BBC audience to an Elephant with their eyes shut!
It gives a skewed view to the outside world about India, and I am under no denial here, we do need to bring about a reform in Indian society. I also disagree with the director when she says, the film was made to highlight how all Indians got together to protest against it. Because, the only message that gets through is that such an horrific incident occurred not the subsequent protests.
My stand here is debatable, because I am standing on thin ice balancing real facts, nation pride, the need for reform. But somehow I am convinced that the real solution does not exist in making films for foreign audiences garnering support of Meryl Streep, Frida Pinto, Hillary Clinton etc; but exists in bringing out a change within. Lets face it, Slumdog MIllionaire did not remove slums from India, a foreign director made a film, earned money, made a certain age defying actor a Hollywood celebrity, but over the years things did not change. So will they not change after “India's daughters” and with years to come we will remain the same. Unless…
Unless, we SPEAK UP, learn to not change the topic, learn to assert our rights, learn to not keep mum when closed minds berate women. So that next time we make a film, it would showcase the vibrant India, that respects women, which you just have to love.
http://www.womensweb.in/2015/04/why-dont-women-speak-up/
I meant to write this since Dec 2012; when the horrific incident came to light and thousands of Indians were on street to protest it.
But I didn't, not because I had no opinion but because I was mentally shut down. I have been raised to be uncomfortable using words like ‘assault’, ‘rape’ even ‘molestation’, that’s not the things that happen to my strata of society, that's for a different class of people. I was raised as a cherished, protected child who still cries if someone talks to me in a louder voice. I just cant take it because I have never been talked to like that. My parents were the sober, educated class who focused just on education and good behavior. We were never forced to fast, observe any religious occasion with zeal. So for us, god exists somewhere, not in temples though. We are not atheists. But we aren't overzealous religious fanatics either. We have our faith in our heart.
But something changed in 2012, I didn't feel protected anymore, and I wished God existed in more real sense.
How could someone condemn someone to such brutality? I had spend sleepless nights after watching the movie “Khatta Meetha” where Akshay Kumar's sister played by “Urvashi Sharma” gets “horrific treatment” (again because I cannot bring myself to use the word rape) from his husband and his friends. So imagine, how many fortnight’s I spent awake after 2012!
I snapped again when recent events of a 3 year old being molested surfaced. I was the kind of person who changed topic when such discussions came up, now I discussed the issue with a vigilant male colleague without any awkwardness because we both were adults concerned for our kids.
And then it stuck me, the whole issue is this very behavior of mine. We as Indians are taught to be docile, we don't discuss these things. When we read the papers, we flip it in case someone sees us reading such news. We change channels when Edward kisses Bella in Twilight. We refuse to embrace our sexuality. Men and women aren’t sexual beings in India and that is the whole problem.
Because men being men have a different society one which berates women in ways they themselves don’t realize. Some are as bashful as to eve tease, some share videos on all-men group in watsapp of naked women, a mellowed down version is sharing vulgar jokes, then there are some who find relief in berating women- be it at work or at home. I once heard a man remark how a certain woman, a recent mother had it easy because she worked only 3 days a week. I bet his tiny brain couldn’t get across the fact that she was the one not having it easy as she balanced home, work and kids only because she needed to work, maybe because they won’t get through financially otherwise or maybe because she had the audacity to demand a career for herself. But I kept mum and yes changed the topic!
And we women, have learnt to be silent about the mistreatment fearing we might come across as strong feminists everybody hates. Face it, the favorite is always the salwar clad, long hair, soft spoken girl who smiles at all. And we try to be her because we don't want to be ridiculed by our male friends as ‘krantikari-kalam waali bai’ ("a feminist"-I got called that when I debated for women rights)
But its high time this attitude changes, we as women need to speak out, as the need for discussion on women’s rights exists because the partiality exists and we need to face it head on.
India's daughter’s was made by a non-Indian woman, because we fail to talk about this issue, and for record I am on the side which opposes this documentary, not because of the content but because of the intent. I also oppose the scared government who banned it. I just wish such an issue was handled a bit more respectfully. And yes, I don’t agree with Javed Akhtar when he says that such films will highlight the issue. How will a film shown to foreign audiences change Indian mentality? (And that’s where I oppose the ban). Also, how will showing the closed mentality of some so-called educated lawyers, make us change ours? The film got made because we Indians lack the courage to touch something so recent in fear of scratching recent wounds, because we believe time heals everything and we don’t talk about such things ever.
I met an European once on a trip to India, and I asked him, how do you like it? His reply was, “Its dirty” What this film does is tell the world about our culture from a restricted point of view. Its like taking all the BBC audience to an Elephant with their eyes shut!
It gives a skewed view to the outside world about India, and I am under no denial here, we do need to bring about a reform in Indian society. I also disagree with the director when she says, the film was made to highlight how all Indians got together to protest against it. Because, the only message that gets through is that such an horrific incident occurred not the subsequent protests.
My stand here is debatable, because I am standing on thin ice balancing real facts, nation pride, the need for reform. But somehow I am convinced that the real solution does not exist in making films for foreign audiences garnering support of Meryl Streep, Frida Pinto, Hillary Clinton etc; but exists in bringing out a change within. Lets face it, Slumdog MIllionaire did not remove slums from India, a foreign director made a film, earned money, made a certain age defying actor a Hollywood celebrity, but over the years things did not change. So will they not change after “India's daughters” and with years to come we will remain the same. Unless…
Unless, we SPEAK UP, learn to not change the topic, learn to assert our rights, learn to not keep mum when closed minds berate women. So that next time we make a film, it would showcase the vibrant India, that respects women, which you just have to love.
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