Indian Fiction:

So here’s the deal, ever since my first book has released online and is expected in stores soon, many fellow authors have popped up from my friend circle/extended friend circle/ social network. This is a good thing, indeed. For ages we had a limited stock of Indian authors we can call our own apart from the breed that bred outside India. And the ones that flourished here have a different genre. Here’s my personal, really democratically personal list of authors that caught my eye:

Khushwant Singh: He has crudeness about him that I immensely enjoy though I disagree with his comment, where he said that Indian writers in Hindi are not good enough. I wish I could gift him a “Dharamveer Bharti” someday and make him take back his words.

Shobhaa De: She is the diva, more of a jack of all trades and not actively present in fiction.

Sagarika Ghose: I won’t put her into the regular author category, though I loved her “Blind Faith” and hated her “Gin Drinkers”. She would always be the journalist.

Sudha Murthy: I must confess the only writing I have read by her is the Tata story from her and that was really inspiring, being a Mechanical Engineer I identify with her struggle. Her books somehow have an Enid Blyton feel about them (guessed from covers, of course!) I seriously need to buy one someday.

Arundati Roy: Someone please explain God of Small things to me!! I won’t comment on her latest comment. She somehow seems to be trying desperately to model herself to the lines of a distorted version of Suu Kyi. Anyway, no comments.

That covers my list of the older generation.

Next come the new-breed writers and of course it starts as below:

Chetan Bhagat: I give him the credit of revolutionising the young readers. But that’s about it. I enjoyed 3-idiots, liked the latest book too. But somehow something is amiss, still trying to figure out what!

The chick-lit : I don’t remember the names, but there are quite  a few and I do enjoy reading them.

Tuhin Sinha: Never read, but he has a prescence, coz I have heard the name! Some egoistic I am !!

Thats about it.

So I am really excited about the new bred Indians, who have a story to tell. I am one of them, so sure its a welcome change. But I am just worried about what happens next. Here’s what my observation says, either you hit the jack pot or you don’t. (Should I draw a flow chart?) Sounds fun!! So here it goes:

My point is I somehow still today admire the decency and privateness of JD Salinger, Emily Bronte etc. I accept that they lived in a different era and we are more of a open, media intruded society where what catches the eye, sells! But even after going through all the routes I prefer the last little red box of the chart above!
-(c) Dixy Gandhi.

I have a Dream...

I have a dream… What followed was the famous speech made by Martin Luther King Jr.

His Dream?

A society devoid of racial discrimination.

My dream?

Well… Let’s see what my dream is. While growing up, it kept changing a lot.  When I was 4, I wanted to be my mom, reason: Everyone listened to her! That was pretty impressive and I wanted that authority where people would take me seriously. She still has a knack of getting things done, be it from the maid, the plumber, my dad (does dad after plumber sound bad?), my sisters, me, almost everyone. I wanted that.

When I was in fifth grade, I wanted to be a poet, and I was pretty good, I wrote a poem titled “Pickle with Food” and it was a huge hit, at least in my school. The poem was an account of how food is tasteless unless it’s accompanied by the sweet-sour pickle. Basically what I wanted to convey was the analogy between food and life, how life would be boring without the little adventures and events that give life meaning. The weekend trip, driving on the highway, bungee-jumping, the first rush of your first crush, the first car you buy with your money, the first break-up. Life would surely be dull without these sweet-sour moments! (Okay, I’m kidding, as a fifth-grader the poem was about “pickle with food”, nothing else. But it was good, I had sincerely rhymed all the pickles-tickles, food-good, that was poetry then!)

Then I saw “Meri Jung” and I wanted to be a lawyer, what added fuel to this dream was a mini-series on ZEE, (the new adventure then, satellite television) titled “Vakalat’ which had the adorable Rahul Bose and Mohan Kapoor  (where is he now?) Donning black classic robes, the arguments, the background score, I was impressed. So that continued till 10^th grade. Then I sadly realized that life doesn’t have a background score, so my cases won’t be that exciting.

Then comes the 3-Idiots part, I finished 10^th and it was time to take the career decision. By that time I had finalized on: I want to be a writer, Moved on from good-food poetry to prose. Had written and directed a play in school and the accolades convinced me that I can be.  But 3-idiots style, I took up Mechanical Engineering and that I completed and rest they say is history… could’ve been the ending if I was someone like Mr. Murthy. But I’m not.

I continued writing in my diaries hid them from my prying sister under bed mattresses (She still managed to read though) and then with the advent of internet it was the password protected Private Blog. I love itJ what does writing do? It’s an escape from reality, when it gets too much to handle. I have a safe place, where I feel me again, a place alien to everyone where I go to find solace. Then the words flow like Ganges, The tak-tak of keyboard is Beethoven, Beatles, Linkin Park, AR Rahman (not CWG, Jhoota Hi Sahi Rahman, but the Rahman I grew up with, the Dil se waala Rahman) all at once. What I’m saying is that writing soothes me, the way maybe arguing a case and winning it for a client does it for a lawyer, managing home does it for Mom, Music does it for Rahman (again earlier one, seriously what’s happened to him?) So is it my dream?

Maybe yes, I have had no revelation where I woke up and realized that I wanted to a writer, I have had no childhood wishes where I strived hard to be one. I lived my life the way I faced each day as it came, all through I had a companion that made things easier when things got tough, so was that a dream?

If yes, I should be celebrating the fulfillment of my dream: My First Book, the one that had the courage to come out of the mattresses and password protection. The one that I believed in enough for the world to see. The one that’s a collection of my observations as an urban woman, the one that carries all my experiences and thoughts, the fictional account of my being a woman and enjoying every bit of it. An account of the others I observed, the questions I strived to find answers for.

That’s SHE:

My DREAM. And I owe this to everyone who made this possible. Names?

My mom- For letting me be awake far past bedtime, and letting me enter my fantasy world peacefully.

Nancy Gandhi- For prying, for reading every single line I wrote, for bugging me to finish the hundreds of unfinished stories, so she could read!

Kimsy Gandhi- the Aurangzeb, who believes writing is time waste, she has never read anything beyond her syllabus books, but it’s because of her that I have the luxury to write. Thanks to her for being supportive without understanding J

Dad: For being supportive, for being the first person who finished reading my book after release and provided constructive feedback. I’m blessed by a supportive Dad and I thank god for it.

Sonali Patil: For refusing to read a single line of my story, but waiting patiently to hear my latest flight of the imagination, and the oh-so-encouraging “Bhariii…. Awadlay mala”

Ragini Chowbe: She needs  a special mention here as she read each and every rough draft and provided honest feedback, she is a binary girl! So Either its Sexy!! Or “accha tha”- Translation: Good or bad.

Ankita Agarwal: My colleague, who read my first story and my unfinished novel and compared me to hosenni! (well she was reading him then, or else she would have said Chetan BhagatJ)

Vandana: She just plainly made my life easier, because of her I can communicate my inner most feeling without regret or worry.

Vivek Kabra: For circulating my first unfinished novel to every person known to him and then forwarding the feedback obtained. Seriously, he is a true entrepreneur. If my novel gets finished and published, he gets special mention.

Namdev: For being totally absent while I was writing, as he himself agrees! After release, I have no words for the support, as he has left no leaf unturned in his efforts.

Simon: For being an absolute treasure of information, he made me realize the importance of humility.

Prashanta: The publisher who agreed to publish  :-) Well on a serious note, he has been totally supportive and been like a mentor who made my transition from a shy specs-clad s/w professional to the born and growing up confident writer. (My confidence is in early teens now J thanks to him!)

And then there are many others who knowingly unknowingly contributed, But a sincere thanks to the person who said, “Piccasso won’t be Piccasso if he stopped painting just like that, you’ve to find yourself”

Sometimes, you need a little nudge and the above words did it for me. Thanks!

Bottomline: I have a dream, of being able to write a thousand billion words which everyone will read and appreciate, I took my first step towards it and it feels awesome.

Homework: Complete the sentence: I have a dream… and live it :-)

Responsible Media?

So there was a lot of misappropriation of money for CWG, the facilities are not world class, nothing is ready when the games are a fortnight away. Need to be thankful to the media for making me aware of these facts. But really can we move on? Every time I switch the TV on, all the major channels are highlighting the sorry conditions of the CWG venue, with the images of everything that went wrong. My point is, things went wrong, it’s totally unacceptable but why do we need to replay the facts over and over again?  One of the leading news channels had a very eye-catching one-liner “India shamed again”, shown on an Indian network as if it’s a matter to be proud of. Then there was this list of western nations that pulled out for various reasons, somehow I feel the media wants the CWG to be a huge failure.

What amazes me is the callous attitude of the media; they have done their job of highlighting our unpreparedness, but now what’s the benefit of replaying it?  I don’t say that let the culprits free, anyway considering the Indian law situation, the culprits behind this are going to go scot-free by playing the right cards or maybe the case would run till next time CWG comes to India and then the media will remember that there was a certain Mr. K who had wronged the nation and then they’ll replay the same images we see every day now.  Then the time would be right, not now!

Just few days back, Mr.Subrato Roy of Sahara made an emotional appeal in all newspapers, asking public to support the sponsors and asking the media to stop. But who listens? The point he raised is totally logical, why are we concentrating on things that went wrong, instead of rectifying the situation? From when did “India shamed yet again” become a thing to be advertised? In the battle of the TRPs why is national image taking a back seat? The media would I guess gain more respect if it now started concentrating on the steps being taken to salvage the situation without being sarcastic, instead of showing worthless interviews of useless Gora’s who have boycotted the games  citing hygiene, safety concerns. Frankly, we don’t need terrorists to come and harm us, the media is enough.   

I very much want an answer from everyone who has wasted my Taxpayers money, but that can wait, right now I want the CWG to be a success as much as the FIFA world cup was in another not-so-developed-country-by-western-standards.

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Another story that caught my eye was on another leading news channel, Mind you, when I say leading news channel, I mean the so-called leading English news channels. I had already given up on the Hindi news after the “Big B ne haath hilaaya” news when Mr. Bacchan was operated upon. So this leading news channel was going to show an exclusive movie on the Ayodhya issue, the real-story of Ayodhya, specially made for the 24^th decision on the issue. My question is, why now? On one hand, the police are all geared up for maintaining communal harmony, the PM issues an appeal to be unbiased, and the media fuels it by pulling out the old videos. I would like to know the real story behind it, but is it necessary to time it now when it can fuel up the minds of some un-employed youths?

It’s not the first time that the media is acting irresponsibly; we have had recent experiences of Mumbai Taj attacks and the coverage of Kargil war, when they in their efforts to lead the TRPs played with the safety of innocents. It’s high time; they woke up and realize that News channels are meant to give an unbiased coverage of happenings around the world. Their purpose is not to shock the world but give a decent account of things worth talking about.  Like Spiderman is taught the valuable lesson, “With great power, comes great responsibility”. It’s time the media woke up to theirs, they cannot bask in their power. Freedom of press, freedom to talk is all great but it comes with a responsibility of being responsible, which sadly the media isn’t.

I have heard from my parents and read the accounts of the media persons working for the National Network, about how they covered the riots connected to the 1984 assassination of Indira Gandhi. They said that they felt responsible for the manner in which they conveyed the news; the idea was to make the nation aware of the loss and not provoke the public. Somehow, that sentiment is absent in the new breed private channels.

The question that remains is, do we as Indians have lost the ‘love for nation’ when we blindly let the media infuriate us with their tone and post comments like “Boycott the games” on social networking sites? I agree that the feeling of betrayal is strong, but why can’t we maturely handle the situation at hand instead of crying over spilt milk? Why let the nation’s image suffer for the mistake of one set of politicians? If we are that hurt by the way it was handled, let’s be a bit undemocratic and sentence all those who were at fault under the strictest laws for tarnishing the image of India, do we have the courage for that?  It’s easy to keep blaming, what’s difficult is setting things right.

Tip for the media: North India and Delhi is flooded, many people (read BPL Indians) are subjected to inhuman living conditions and exposed to water-borne diseases, and I feel coverage of that is much more important than water-logging at CWG village. But guess that doesn’t make for a high TRP.

Nostalgia

Yesterday as I was driving from my Office, back home I was greeted with the verve of Ganesh Chaturthi celebrations which stand for Pune as I remember it. The Pandals located at fixed distances, with the magnificent Ganesh idols, the soft hymns, the occasional remixed songs, the lights, the festive spirit, all of it brought about some memories with it.

I first came to Pune in the same period, eight years back to join Engineering College, A painfully shy teenager who daily travelled 30kms to reach college. Pune was different back then. Six-seaters were still running, the roads were full of potholes; vada-paav was for 4 Rs, The numerous malls were not the part of the city skyline.  What remains same though is the spirit of Pune. Apart from the occasional core areas, I never felt left out. I was as much a part of the city as the city is of me.

The first day of college as I remember it was tense, I had joined late, so the groups were already formed. People knew each other and no one bothered to introduce each other. My being shy was not any help either. The next thing I remember vividly is the Ganesh festivities, with the roads jammed; I always worried about reaching home on time.  The extroverts planned a site-seeing throughout Pune and I struggled to reach home before sunset J

First Year of college soon rolled through, what I achieved in this first year was a group of five girl-friends who were fun. Some of them I lost touch with over time and some who are still the best of my friends. I lived on a stringent budget back then, so every day having snacks and juice (patties and sugarcane juice) near the college was indulgence. What significantly stands out is the innocence of the first year of college, the need to prove oneself, the sometimes bitchy sometimes sisterly attitude of teens, the stealing glances at your crush who somehow became a reason to attend college. I have enjoyed my best in the first year of college and still smile at the stupid jokes we cracked back then. I remember stifling laughs throughout the one hour lecture once, and that’s one of my happiest memories. Very soon the year was through and we were reshuffled to join our respective streams.

Second year of engineering passed with me always seated on the front desk oblivious to the rest of the folks behind me. For me no one existed beyond my desk. I vividly remember a very talkative, bubbly girl sitting beside me for a boring Maths session and getting bored more so by my silence. Later as we got closer, she confessed how much she cursed me for my silence.

The years passed through with all the ups and downs and very soon I was out of college. What changed the most in those 4 years was me.  More than the technical education, I value the education which changed me as a person. I still am introvert and take ages to open up. The friends that I made back then, some stayed, some drifted apart, rest are acquaintances I smile at when I run across them. But every one of them contributed to what I am today. As George Adams said:

“There is no such thing as a "self-made" man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success.”

I  owe my mental makeup to many of such friends who unknowingly taught me many a things, be it laughing at stupid jokes, enjoying life, managing studies and fun or more deeper values like trust and friendship.  I always thought of myself as a person who has cloaked her shyness under arrogance and I occasionally wear my cloak inside out.

Growing up isn’t about age, it’s about the experiences which you learn from; I owe all my acquaintances the fact that they are the part of my experiences. Good or bad, it’s the experience that counts. Eight years back, as I wrestled in the crowd to catch a glimpse of the all famous Dagdusheth, I realized that the God of learning is not going to bless me based on my efforts to reach him, I am truly blessed because I have accepted and learnt and that’s what is expected out of me. So the silent prayer which I offered all thorough my four years of engineering, almost subconsciously as I drove past the Paud bridge and the Ganesh temple there, suffices for me. Here’s that prayer: “meri  galtiyaan maaf karna aur mujhe  sadhbuddhi dena” That’s all I can ask for. For rest everything, I have the banks and credit card J

Bottomline: This is the first time in years that I am not busy enough, first time in years that I have enjoyed the Ganesh festivities, first time in years when I have actually slowed down my two-wheeler to have a look at the Pandal and first time in years that the deafening music, be it hymns or remixed songs have not irritated me.  So maybe this is the first time that I feel at peace with myself. All thanks to the God of learning.

The Fitness Mantra :-)

Recently I had another bout of fitness consciousness (for those who’ve seen me you’re allowed the snide laugh). Anyway, this post is about what I discovered from my survey which lasted about a month. You see, fitness is a very important issue and needs a lot of consideration before one decides on what should one do for one’s wellbeing. The options are endless:
1. Regular Walking- Tried it for a month, what happens is this: I Sleep anywhere between 12 to 5 and then getting up in morning at 6 (if I slept at all) and putting on the shoes is a headache. So out of the whole month, guess I managed the walk for 12 days max.
a. Pros:
i. It’s a great stress buster and mind reliever.
ii. The morning air does wonders to your thought process.
iii. The only thing you need is your favorite set of songs and a bit of imagination and then you’re separated from the world, into your own dreamland. So it’s like walking on the ground and having the ability to picture yourself in live-karaoke singing ‘Watch me Shine’ or better still imagining the love of your life singing the best romantic song for you. Sweet. Point is the morning walk is totally entertaining.
iv. Pretty cheap. Actually free. No hidden cost, no plus service tax. Just you and your shoes.
b. Cons:
i. As I said, the waking up in the morning without any initiative, I don’t get to measure my performance, no hot guys jog in my joggers park, so it’s about 12 out of 30 days which is pretty undisciplined if one is looking at perfect fitness.
ii. The weather. I tried walking in the rain, but people give you weird looks!! Plus always a fear of coming down with flu. So yeah it’s totally dependent on the monsoon which in turn is totally unpredictable.
iii. The greatest limitation is my self consciousness. I have this ground near my home used by everyone for the morning fitness ritual. So it has a center ground where kids and college kids (Gosh! I am old) play football/cricket. The ground is surrounded by a walking track where uncles, aunties and grannies grandpas walk around. Amidst them, is me walking with my songs- So I complete one circle, then I think next circle I will run but my feet just refuse to obey me, next I think at least I will jog-This command is also rejected by my legs. In turn, my inner voice (the one that always came clad in whites in a mirror in old bollywood movies) shows me the reality. Here’s our conversation:
Me: Guess I will run for the next round.
Inner Voice: You must be kidding!
Me: What’s the harm? I am sure I can jog at least.
Inner Voice: See the kids in the ground? They are going to stop playing and start staring. See the Uncle at 5 o clock angle, yeah yeah! The one who lives opposite you, he is already stealing glances at you, Bet he is going to burst out laughing when u start running. And then slowly the world will come to a standstill and then everyone will be laughing!
Me: Rubbish! No one is even noticing me. No one even knows me here.
Inner Voice: That’s what you think! Go ahead, make a fool of yourself. As if I care!
Me: (Now a bit concerned) yeah, Maybe. Anyways, it’s rained yesterday so the ground is bit slippery. Guess will try the running tomorrow.
2. Swimming: This is something I thoroughly enjoyed. It’s fun + hectic + soothing. I was on cloud nine when I could swim 10 laps without a break in a 25 m pool. Why did I stop? Yes, the rains played havoc. Plus "the cannot measure the performance" thing. I mean I know I was getting good on my stamina but could not see the difference in me also it leaves the hair dry and frizzy throughout the day. (Being a girl, vanity always wins). Another side effect I ate like a pig when I used to swim, which further put me in depression psychologically. Still, given a chance I enjoy swimming now and then.
3. Gymming: Now comes the big market of gyms. Recently, I took a auto from Kalyaninagar to Kothrud and on the route started counting the number of gyms, by the time I reached my destination I had given up after counting close to 40 (including the slimming centers ). Point is this business is flourishing, so now Let’s move on to what I found in my survey:
a. The number of gyms I called for direct enquiry- 4
i. One of the operators of one of the leading gyms (which compared their discounts with the rains in Pune) told me point blank that she cannot give me any details unless I go there. Apparently, their procedure was to scan a candidate and then jot a fitness plan based on the candidate’s extent of obesity and then they decide upon how much to charge. My point was, just because I am calling a gym to enquire doesn’t mean that I am obese, Rgt? (Before anyone says," But you’re" please read the definition of obesity, it’s for people with BMI> 30. I am in the safe range of 25 )
ii. The internationally acclaimed (rich metal) gym: It had a very rude and so-called self acclaimed ‘high society socialite’ at the reception. And I used a two-wheeler to commute. So she asks me to fill up the details and then proceeds to tell me the exorbitant prices. Naturally, by now she had judged me as will-not-be-able-to-afford category. Anyway I walked out before I could throw a fit at their charges.
iii. My old gym  well I contemplated joining that. It was pretty good managed by doctors and they helped me a lot during my previous bout of fitness consciousness last year. But then why had I left? I moved and now its too far.
iv. Another international chain of gyms. So I call them and they tell me that anytime has a time limit. Point taken  the person on phone was concentrating more on his fake accent then the info he was giving me out. I mean I get it that you belong to an international chain, but why fake the accent? I really get put off by this, but anyway I went there in my desperation only to be told that I have to pay a membership fees valid for 9 years + monthly usage fee. My point is, I don’t even know where I will be next year, why would I invest for nine? Plus who guarantees there presence for 9 years? Weird logic!
That’s it about my various options. There were some minor ones which I tried out
1. Badminton: Totally dependent on my sis for that.
2. Sauna: Always in thoughts, never called the telebrand Guess I still have my brains in the right place.
3. VLCC Gels: Seriously, people who do business just know the pulse of the frustrated over-eating Indian.
4. Ree-Tone: 5600 bucks? Are you kidding me? I can join a gym in half the price!
5. GM Diet: Done it when I was younger and stupider  I eat like a pig after the stipulated 7 days and gain all the water lost pretty soon.
6. Weekend trekking trips: Fun actually. Climbed Sinhagad for a month, every Sunday. And barged on bhaji and dahi upon reaching the top. End result: sore feet, eating more than I burned, Flexon MR Addiction.
7. Eating less- Actually trying to eat less. Never works  being a true bred Punjabi I can’t do without my weekly dose of chicken.
Final Decision: Sheepishly, I confess that I ended up joining a gym, where the rates matched the facilities. The people were good enough. No fake accents.Near my home so accessible. My logic is plain- I have paid them, so unlike the free walk which I ditched most of the time, I will at least be regular, i.e. get up and go because I invested my hard-earned money  this btw proves why the health market is flourishing. More so why the gyms are flourishing.

THE LIST - Reloaded :-)

Year back, I made a list of things I want to do before I turn 30 and then I forgot :-) So just thought that I will revisit the list and see what all I managed to do and what all is left... So here are some additions and deletions to the list.

1. Learn spoken french : I am still stuck on Je t'amie, D'accord.
2. Bungee jump once: Yet to do, but at least have reached the stage where I can be sure that the rope won't snap.
3. Learn professional Bharatnatyam: Still not done :-(
4. Visit the Ice Hotel..( i need cash!!!) - Yet to.
5. Write a book and get published.( maybe win a man-booker prize, now this is getting serious)- Partly Done :-)
6. Have Dinner on Eiffel tower. - Not Done :-(
7.Escape marriage... yeah rgt. This I need to reinforce and remember.
8. Find a Spanish bf. -Not applicable anymore :-) Thats called growing up.
9. hmm... now am thinking.. yeah own a business empire where i rule things.. trust me ..job is no fun... ( if i have to sum up my past experiences it was like.. a half baked cake strutting out of a oven shouting on a yummy delicious blackforest tht the blackforest is black... (and here blackforest= me)(thk god!! i escaped now i've started living again...and the credit goes to...who else.. me!!!) so business,,, cool i have the ideas. - Yup Still have ideas.
Now the additions,
10. Get a tattoo saying "Nischay kar apni jeet karo" in Gurmukhi.
11. What else? Will Keep on adding.
Makes me realise that there are many :-( than :-)  and this again makes me realise that i need to keep revisiting the list. There are many things we can let go but if the wishes remain unfulfilled thats the biggest loss. So yeah, time is short.. Miles to go before I sleep.

Suburban Girl

"Archie Knox: Why won't you marry me?
Brett Eisenberg: Are you asking me to explain?
Archie Knox: Yes, I am

Brett Eisenberg: When I look at you, I see a teacher. But when you look at me, you see a student. Because you like to run away. It's part of who you are. Because, in the end, a girl can't grow up until she looses a father and leaves an Archie"

Background: Insomania Ofcourse! Why is my every thought related to insomnia?  In one of the episodes of HIMYM, Ted Mosby reminiscences that nothing good happens after 2 am in my case, the bulb always lights up after 2 am, in short all my major turning-points are the result of the introspective sessions I have after 2 am, when the coffee strikes my brain and I am usually curled up on the sofa with a book in hand or a remote control.
Some days back, it was the Remote control, and "Suburban Girl" playing on Zee Studio. Alec Baldwin commands you to stop and take notice so I did. Whats so good about the movie? In the strictest sense, its the typical Hollywood Drama/ Romance which would fail if a remake was made in Bollywood,but like many other flops that somehow teach me something suburban girl taught me something too.

Lesson: We always have choices in life, even the most pessimistic person on earth has a choice to alter his/her lifestyle, one just has to see it. I remember way back when I first entered the corporate world in one of the pseudo-intellectual sessions (The boring HR ones, that claim to make you a better person but basically suck) I was asked if I regret anything in my life and I said NO, I dont. In retrospection, I still dont. I could have made different choices opening up a different path altogether, kind of a alternative timeline but I dont wish for that. I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment of being alive, sufficiently mourned for all the sad moments, given the right amount of attention and love to all those I came across, made my share of mistakes and learnt from them.

So why this reassesment now? Well, lately I was wondering if all that I lost along the way was worth it? The kind of thoughts that seep through your subconcious mind and make u think at nights (Actually I think its coffee!). And I have the answer, I made the right choice! Not because its a temporary high phase, not because I need to feed my ego, not because I want to show the finger to all those who doubted me but just because I made it, I just realised that Right or wrong depends on u, noone else can judge ur decisions because noone else knows u as well as u do. I could've taken suggestions, closed my eyes and let destiny decide for me, but would that feel mine? That would have been an escape, a selection of someone to blame if things go wrong and in my dream world things never go wrong. (When they do, I just change the tags ;-))

Conclusion: Again refering to HIMYM:
" TED:No, it's not an adventure, it's a mistake!

 LILY: OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not. And dammit, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this; my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?

Maybe it doesnt, but to me it does :-) And thats all that matters at the end of the day. I stand because of the choices I made, not because destiny pushed me there and thats a relief. So in conclusion, just like the Suburban Girl, I am growing up (At 26 :-)),making my own decisions, laughing at my mistakes, falling in love with myself w/o the doubts of teenage and enjoying every moment of it, every tear of it coz thats how we learn. There's no escape to learning, no 'shortcut to happiness' (Another Baldwin movie, I loved). All of it is just worth it!